Have I Died

Written by: Brian Terry

Have I died?

I wake and I look about.

What is this place?

So grey and cloudy, just mist, nothing at all to see.
Is there anything there at all?
I try to sit, I cannot sit, I cannot move. 
In fact I have no body! None at all.
Should  I conclude I died? But afterlife I had rejected.

What is this place?

Not heaven I’m too venal and where’s my harp, my wings, the choirs celestial?
It’s not the other place.
No imps to pinch my flesh No demons. Nor a fiery pit,
No devils with their horns upon their head

So where the hell am I?

I look about and you are there but No! you are not clear to see,
too misty, numinous.
Oh God I remember now, you left me for another.
Bereft, I took a dose of cyanide. So am I dead,
Did it hurt I can’t remember?

But where or what’s this place?

A halfway house for such as me? 
The ones who killed themselves?
I feel no pain, If I have no emotions, how can I care?

I’ll sleep again. May be this isn’t real. A dream? Perhaps?
Will I wake to find it was? Or will it be a dream within a dream?
Will you be there again and will you love me once again?