Sorry

Written by: Allison Ballard

It stings to speak
When I remember the taste
Of your bitten skin
When I remember how
Your fists struck the wheel
As you drove in the rain
your soft face, caked with salt

When I speak
every toe clenches,
everything crashes, 
my thoughts turn to you

and I remember…

 How I reveled in pitching coals,
Watching each hot word
meet it’s mark
My fiery tongue 
Uprooting and mottling
your deep healthy heart with insecurity

My sickly smile
Spreading with an inapt pride
Over a mess, 
my red hands
my “justified” rage…

I was thought I was queen,
a delegator,
but I was just too wrong to know
Though words lend me no help
they sting in my mouth
they will never be enough
and though it is nothing now,
I’m sorry.