Written by: daver austin


I’ll tell you of Willard Van Drood
An alarmingly strange young dude

Young Willard, to all, seemed so harmless
Was so freaking plain, utterly charmless

Kids might ask him out to play
But young Willard always slept all day

At night when sister went off to bed
Willard crept around the house instead

The lad was so very bony and tall
Was never seen to eat at all

Light afoot he seemed to glide
In and out, just loved to hide

Sister Suzy, as usual, fast asleep
Didn’t see weird Willard peep

No one heard poor Suzy cry
The police found her body white and dry

When mother asked where Willard had been
Willard mounted a toothy grin

“Mother, dear, I couldn’t sleep
Nothing came of counting sheep

Then I had this awful thirst
I tell you mom I must be cursed

I gave old dad a goodnight peck
Under his chin, right on his neck

When I left his eyes were open wide
His fist clenched, tight, by his side”

Young Willard hung his head in shame
Then did his mom the very same