Abandoned

Written by: Constance Gilmore

*This is about not growing up with father or his side of the family and even though it's been 9 years since we've been "reunited," I still feel lost around them.

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong,
Always on the outside looking in,
Wishing I could be a part of this
Instead of wondering where've I been.
I feel that no matter how much I try,
I am still just a distant memory
Pushed far away into the deepest blackness.
I'm alone in this and no one feels me.
I was the one rejected so long ago.
I was the one that was pushed to the side.
I was the one whose existence didn't matter.
I was the one who shed tears and cried.
Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say
Because I have no idea who you are.
Sometimes, I'm not sure of the approach
Because I don't need another unseen scar.
I should be a part but I'm so far apart.
Do I even hold a real spot in your heart?
I want so desperately to be equally loved
Because everyday seems like a new start.
I'm a stranger to what should be familiar,
A foreigner traveling into unknown lands.
I am lost with no sense of direction.
This trip you created was totally unplanned.
What do I need to do to get the same?
Being the first, this should've never been an issue.
Thrown into a life of being unwanted,
Everyday I was forced to miss you.
I don't want it to hurt but sometimes it stings
And there is nothing that eases the pain.
Bitterness bites at the core of my soul
And it can be very hard not to complain.
Being abandoned is my empty feeling
And no one has yet filled that void.
I wish you would come and rescue my heart
Before it is completely destroyed.