Loving Past the Hurt

Written by: Constance Gilmore

I lay there next to you, you’re holding me close,
 The proximity of you is what I want the most,
 But I don’t trust you because I don’t know how.
 I’m really just trying to enjoy the here and the now.
 I want to love you but my heart won’t allow it.
 My heart’s been hurt and my mind won’t commit.
 I try to let go of my past but it won’t release me.
 All I am asking for is a small piece of peace for me.
 I find myself choking from the hurt of other men,
 Which has me struggling to find happiness again.
 You tell me beautiful things, music to my ears,
 Things that for years I’ve been yearning to hear.
 My doubts are thick for fear of the hidden.
 Your real feelings are unseen in a world forbidden.
 I can’t enter because I’m not special enough to see.
 I only get part of you, like that should be good enough for me.
 Words with unmatched actions are pointless and void.
 The trust I may have gained is completely destroyed.
 Every time I try to move forward, I take three steps back.
 I think love is a case that I’ll never be able to crack.

 Is love meant for me? Am I meant to be alone?
 Will love and I forever be strangers unknown?

 Please forgive me for I am not being bitter.
 I feel the gold you present does not glitter.
 Try to understand that I wasn’t always this way.
 I’ve given my heart for them only to betray.
 Forgive me for my uncertainty and for my hesitance.
 The past has put my heart on constant defense.
 If you really want me, you must possess patience.
 You will uncover a love that is loyal and intense.
 My heart is fragile and can easily be broken
 By thoughtless actions and words unspoken.
 If you’re not looking for depth, don’t waste my time.
 I don’t need anyone who’s applying for part-time.
 I have said it before that I am more than just sex.
 I deserve more than an “I’m bored” text.
 I don’t want the night to be the first time you call me.
 Any time of day I want to know when you’re thinking of me.
 Make the effort to let me know how you feel
 And to you, my heart will open and it will reveal
 Feelings, emotions, the secrets trapped inside.
 It’s worth the ride if you let love be your guide.