Devonshire Tea fur fower

Written by: Alex Gardiner

Devonshire tea with Peter an' Beryl, beware, it's no the fact that Peter disnae care. But 88 years doon the track o' life, an' 84 years fur Beryl, Peter's carefree wife. Ma Bonny wife Gillian an' this Auld Yin, oot fur a drive wan day, fur a wee wee spin. Gettin' peckish a bit, fur efternoon tea, nice scones fur Peter, Beryl, Gillian an' me. Noo a nice wee cafe is called Sugar an' Spice, we hiv eatin' here before so we ken it's nice. Nice, but, the portions kin be a wee bit large, a lot fur wan person at nae great charge. In the wee Katoomba toon in New South Wales, Sugar an' Spice's food niver fails. we decided to share twa portions oan twa plates. thats' fower scones instead o' eight. Twa plates, fower scones jam an' cream, lotes an' lotes o' jam, too much it seemed. An' cream oozing o'er the tap o' the wee roon bowls. far too much fur fower, no too hungry souls. Beryl an me hud wan large square plate tae share, An' Peter an' Gillian's plate hud identical fare. Oan that plate anither dish wae jam in an enormous heep, The dish wis a least 3 inches by 3 inches an' 2 inches deep. Noo ah cut ma yummy scone in half, an' so did auld Peter's better half. Ah spread ma jam oan ma twa half scones, The rest o' the jam wis whit beryl owned. Noo Peter wis sitten oan ma richt, jist next tae me, an' a couldnae believe whit ah could see, The jam dish held o'er his twa half scones, scoopin' aw the jam oot the dish richt doon tae the bone. Hey Peter, whit arrr' yea dayin' wae aw that jam? Half o' it's Gillian's ya sully auld man, Did we no say we were gonna share? Aw Peter kid dae ,wis sit an' stare. Oh sorry, a furget summat , here tak sum back, starin' dumbfoondid frae whare he sat. S'okay Peter, we will ask fur some mair , Aye! Peter replied as he dropped cream--- iverywhare. Peter could yea leave sum cream fur Gillian as weel, did yea no remember we had a deal? Whit deal dae yea mean ? Yer tellin' me noo too late, the deal Peter, wis tae share twa portions, on twa plates. There sat Gillian wae twa bare scones, nae jam, nae cream, wee scone lookin' dry as a bone. An' Peter's plate overflowin' wae jam an cream, auld fly bugger no hivin' a clue,--- or so it would seem? We three just sat and hid a guid laugh, At the expense oaf oor Beryl's better half. There must be a lesson to be learned here, that insructin' Peter in future,------ you must be very clear:) The Auld Yin.