A Letter to Myself

Written by: sarah moncada

Why can't I do anything right?  Why do I always screw up everybody’s life? 
Why is it so hard for me to shut my mouth and let it be?
All I do is hurt people; can never make anyone happy! 
I do what I can but I guess that is never good enough, because the harder I try the worse it gets. 

Why can’t I get anything right? 
Why do I make myself cry every night? Can’t I do anything? 
I want to be able to know why I’m so sad; to understand why I can’t stay happy. 
I want to stop judging people I love and be happy that they at least accept me into their hearts. 

I want to close my eyes and see the face, the one that makes me smile happily.
The one I will see forever and holds me when he says “Never will I leave you, never.” 
But I’m afraid to trust him cause I feel like he’s lying. 
He says one thing. They say another. 

Why can’t he tell me?
Why won’t he tell me?
Is he really cheating?
I want to know, I need to know. 

Does he really love me?
Is that why we can’t get back to how things were?
I want to trust him but I can’t, not with everything he has put me through. 
God… I want to cry.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live this lie anymore.