January 2nd

Written by: Jeena Chacko

Constrains, remorse tarnish me
Selective amnesia, emotional paralysis
You sigh and whisper an expletive,
that reverberates, like an eternal echo-
through my trembling self, a shell. 
Its my birthday, I keep reminding.
It wasn’t a mockery you plead, I smile.
I turn my fleshless skull skywards,
awaiting a single drop of solace.
A brand new diary, the old diaries some pulped, 
some lost, some stolen, hidden in hated nooks, 
Cynical lipstick, frosted cherries always the same colour;
Year after year, brownish orange like anodyne blood.
Sudden longing for parents, for things that were.
Voice break, swing between fantasy and reality,
grows larger until it swallows the frame-
takes a form, becomes a lost paradise.

Kisses, “surprise!” yelled into deaf ears, hugs.
wrapped goodies, another book, another bangle
A useful box of handkerchiefs, immaculate white, blue bordered,
no kitten this year too, atleast a tiny gold fish?
Curry, conversations, a candle blown-
piece of icing and cake stuffed into a placid mouth,
The weary tongue barely tastes the creamy morsel.
Sorrow of unfinished deeds, incomplete thoughts
a vague scrawl, etched, charcoal-black, across the moon mirror.
Ego gives away to egolessness;
Suspended animation, a limp balloon. 
Cataracted inner eye shuts slowly
Age has withered thoughts, 
A stale, out-dated fragment
An archaic ramble; the metaphorical toothlessness,
A long drawn bitter shriek- 
I mumble intelligibly while the rest of the world moves away;
grating breath leaves odour of decayed memories.
Shrunken, withered, old
Senility hath set in
I turned 24 today