Sing a Thong of Seafood

Written by: Tony Lane

What could be better than sitting in a restaurant together you and me, And starring into the crystal sky above the deep blue sea? We ordered up some seafood dinners we didn’t want to order steaks, And then for an appetizer I got a pair of their crab cakes. They were the best that I’ve ever eaten, even when visiting the south, They were large, tender and delicious and they melted in my mouth. Nothing could make this dinner better it was the greatest thing by far, Until a blond wearing see-through stretch pants seated herself at the bar. OK it got a little bit better then, but still I knew that it was wrong, Because her stretch pants were so transparent you could clearly see her thong. And I don’t mean a faint outline where you might think you saw something red, It was right there on her bare derriere and while I’m old, I’m still far from dead. It might have helped if she wasn’t cute or if she wasn’t built the way she was, But she was cute and built and that would explain just exactly why because, Like me, every guy in the place was thinking exactly the same thing, How long can I get away with staring until I get a slap that’ll sting? So I took the lead and pointed her out to my wife and she just rolled her eyes, “Good luck getting a refill of iced tea now I bet our waiter never even tries.” It was true that every waiter in the place called this girl by name, She was a popular regular and they were moths drawn to her flame. What was it that has brought this child down to this lowly state? Why can’t she afford clothing that covers her up why didn’t she have a date? “I bet that I know,” I said to my wife, “why she came here dressed that way, Why it is she feels the need to be noticed and put herself on display.” I pointed out that as each waiter passed by her they brought her a little dish, Just a sampling of something good to eat whether, shrimp, crab cakes or fish. “The only way that this meal would be better is if you didn’t have to pay, I believe that was her intention and I think that she’s discovered the way.” So if you would like to dine on a meal of fresh fish from the sea, Make them believe that you’re the dish and then you can dine for free.