I want you to know

Written by: Zara Bosman

I want you to know

that despite your self-conscious pretension
your affected accent
your compulsive cynicism
despite your inability to listen
or sit still
or be quiet
for longer than a minute

despite that you can never lose an argument
despite that you slept with someone else
are thirty this year
despite your hair

I want you to know

that despite that you make me say things I don't mean
and pretend to enjoy things I don't like

despite that you think
I'm a alcoholic
because I'll have more than one drink at a party

despite that you make me nervous so I can't think
and make stupid spelling errors when I write to you
that you point out later on

I want you to know

that despite that I can only
speak about you bitterly to friend after friend
despite that I still get an unhealthy thrill
out of listing all your worst traits again and again

despite that you make me feel
repetitive, mean-spirited, combative,
cynical, fraudulent, judged

despite that you make me
want to hold you down
and put my hands over your mouth
so you'll shut up
I still love you (in a certain way)
despite myself.