Knock, knock

Written by: Paula Puddephatt

We are not from Scottish Power,

or even British Gas.

We wouldn’t drag you

out of the shower

for anything less than

God.  And just to let you know 

how to achieve Eternal Life…


We are nothing like

the religious group

who called on you last night.

There is one major difference:

They are wrong, and we are right.


Certain substances must be avoided

like heroin and cups of tea.

Is it worthwhile mainlining – 

or enjoying Typhoo or PG – 

if, because of that, you cannot live

with God eternally?


You can stuff your face with chocolate, crisps – 

and Diet Coke is not outlawed.

You can even have some Red Bull

to wash down all that chocolate,

if you’re getting very bored.


You need to be baptised, and soon.

Your last one doesn’t count:

insufficient water, and you were too young.

What about the Baptist Church?

You’re being awkward now.

Okay, let’s cut straight to the chase.

No other church has authority 

from God.  We do.