Who I used to be

Written by: A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley

I hate myself for letting go
For losing my light
For giving up hope
For letting my faith fade

I hate myself for letting others down
Knowing I’ve disappointed 
Knowing I let myself down
But most of all letting God down

I hate hearing of who I used to be
I hate remembering of who I used to be
I hate wondering if I can ever get it back

I hate that people can see
See the twinkle gone
See the real smile gone
See someone who was once this amazing Godly woman
Is now……this…..

I hate being asked about church
It reminds me how I’ve been hurt
How I loved and never judged
How I needed them and no one was there
How the things they said cut me so deep
How people who I thought loved me
Only loved the idea of me

I felt everything I did
The love I gave
My heart I gave
Everyone turned the other way
They left me alone
God left me alone
To trek through this muddy mess

I’ve been snagged
Cut
Beaten
Fallen down
I’m not as clean as I once was
I’m tattered and torn
I may not shine as bright
Or smile as much
But I’m still marching on
With or without anyone
I trek on