I wanted you to leave now your never coming back

Written by: Jessica Bowie

        Before I was born you said I wasnt yours and burned down our house
                     and when I was born one glance changed your mind
                             cause I looked so much like you
When I was a baby you wrote me letters from a strange place  with the name I 
wasnt named  even though you wanted me to
I remember waiting at the window for you never to come
and when ide call you'd say you were sick again
I remember when you were sick I visited you in a new place
and you made me a bracelet out of some sort of craft material
it fell apart shortly after I left even though you fixed it 3 times already
when I was there you told me you were sick but slowly getting better and that 
you loved me
I remember when your cat attacked me 
and you didnt believe me 
I remember thinking  mom knows im not a lair why dont you
when I use to visit you you never knew what to cook me or buy me to wear
so I lived off of cheddar cheese and cereal and candy and ide wear this hidious 
purple outfit with snowflakes that I hated
I couldnt wait till I grew outa it which took awhile cause you bought it to big
When I was 13 I was hospitalized and you would visit me 
and you and mom got back together and you moved back in
you moved from a weird house with other men 
who were all twitchy and some of them were dying
you started drinking more and more
and began to be more and more physically abusive 
I hated you I wanted you gone
and when I called the cops on you they looked at me like I was crazy
and in turn I was placed on pins and labeled a problom child
and when we went to meet with my po you cried big crocidile tears when the 
scary man said things you didnt want to hear
so while we were gone you packed up and left
and I was happy
but I hated you for years after
when I was 17 we were shortly back in touch
But I still wasnt ready to stop hating you yet
when I was 18 I found out you were in the hospital dying of cancer
so I went to see you hooked up to every machine and more
I told you I forgive you that its ok 
they told me you couldnt hear me that you were in a coma
I went to visit you when you were outa the hospital
I reminded you that I forgive that  its ok and you said no its not
on october 13th 09 you died
an I never stopped crying
so much was unsaid
I couldnt handle it
so I tryed to kill my self cause  I needed to talk to you again evn if it meant 
leaving everything behind
I wanted you to leave now your never coming back