Comforting absence of feeling

Written by: Julian Joseph

I admit,
Emotions were enlightened with your essence
But don't think i enjoy this edification for a second

Delightful numbing was my closest friend
long before you meandered in,
imitating innocence 
and self righteous regard
Oh Beautiful solitude
my first confidant, my first lover.
I still think about it when I’m with you
we got along better than you and I ever will

I, mean come on!
It was the last thing I had
I owned my self-destruction
Now it belongs to you

Because you fill me with
Consistent apologies
I ask forgiveness for my excitement, and pardon me for my smiles
And I’m sorry that I don’t know what your plan for me is
Self-doubt or self-awareness?

It’s Funny
you say you hate my narcissism
Yet engage me to ignore my instinctive personal hatred

Which had been held tightly 
Until you chiseled out a hole in my soul
Big enough to stick your flashlight in to explore
And syrupy useless feelings poured out
ruining my sunday clothes…

So now my emotions use their unfamiliar powers 
To make my eyes release the last liquid in my body
Into your hands
So you can lick up all of this salty anguish
And smirk with my pride stuck in your teeth