Blame me

Written by: Des Juan Richardson

Last night, I stared out of the bedroom window
As I did, a few long years ago
I saw the fading image of a lost sad man
Wandering frantically in a twisted limbo
Subtlety I asked “why was he in such a chaotic state”
He looked at me with anger and said “Blame me…
Blame me for my dismal fate”

Blame you for what sir?

Blame me for not having the courage to make timely decisions and the right choices
Blame me for not trusting and following my own judgments, instead of submitting to outside 
voices
Blame me for being too passive when aggression was warranted and truly needed
Blame me for losing my self-confidence, my self-esteem and self-respect when my goals 
appeared defeated
Blame me for cracking and breaking under my peers and family’s high expectations
Blame me for setting my goals too high -- after all, they were only my dreams and 
aspirations
Blame me for fathering a beautiful little girl without the strings of wedlock
Hell blame me for believing she was actually mine, when most likely she’s probably not
Blame me for marrying a woman who surrendered her heart and love to another man
Blame me for loving her regardless and gracefully accepting her with our relationship as it 
stands
Blame me for starting a family with her knowing of her traitorous deceit
Now cast stones at me for tolerating her ongoing hatred of my oldest seed
Blame me for not leaving such an unhealthy and toxic relationship
Instead, blame me for being infidel and searching elsewhere for love and companionship
Blame me for apologizing continuously, trying to work on it and make things better
Then blame me for discovering her viperous secret, the affair never ended, they were 
always still together
So now blame me for wanting to know and experience the fruits of a true relationship and 
what it could possibly be
Finally, blame me for discontinuing the games; I am tired, my heart hurts and I am now and 
forever free

I looked with pity as his eyes mirrored that of my own
We raised our hands simultaneously and he spoke again in a confident and stern tone

“Blame me young man for what you have heard and now experienced
Blame me for the one shot at love you lost due to my continued interference
Blame me for all of the things that causes you self-pity and personal anger
But blame yourself young one, should you allow it to continue and become your permanent 
anchor”