Something Odd Goin' On

Written by: tom bell

What's up?
What's going on?
How come it's 3AM?
And bright as noon?
Have I finally made it
Into a Looney-Tune?

Who left me a hot breakfast,
Then disappeard?
How the hell did I
Overnight grow a green beard?

And that new Lamborgini
In my driveway
Painted purple, black,
and red, each a circle round

Am I a mad old hack?
I see a cab's roof light
On it, like a crown.

The door sign says
$100.00 first quarter mile,
$200.00 each following quarter
So ridiculous I had to smile

Is this someone's idea
Of a joke?
To make of me,
A fool , one to poke?

I grabbed my pants,
To go out to inspect
Golly, gosh darn
This I did not expect...
Every pair had four legs,
you see...
Someone tell me,
How this could be!

Perhaps I'm yet asleep,
And this is but a dream,
Maybe a nightmare brought on
By last night's ice cream
So I dug out the ice cream,
To see the brand and flavor,
Perhaps laced with acid,
By some angry neighbor...

"Trolley Madison" the brand,
The flavor "Mulch"
I start to feel a panic grow,
Turn on the TV to distract me,
You know?
But it does not come on,
The dryer does,
And the radio blasts
A Taliban song,
What the hell is going on?
What part of hell is this?
What did I do so wrong?

Guess I'll go back to bed,
And hope my next awakening
Will be more normal instead,
So I return to my bedroom now,
All I can utter is "Holy Cow!"

For my bedroom is now
A subway station,
Out here in the Kansas plains, to boot!
I better get some whiskey,
I sure could use a toot!

I pour some Southern Comfort,
And out pops corn bread and grits...
I guess I should be grateful,
It wasn't a bowl of horsy sh_ts.

I better call my boss,
Explain I'd be late to work,
But he had never heard of me,
And thought me but a jerk...

And I could hardly
disagree with him,
For when I put down the phone,
The chord was a garden snake
And I was not alone

The cats I don't own,
 the dog I'd dreamed of getting,
All crowded around me,
For food and some petting

In panic, I went out the front door,
Not knowing what to expect
Found myself on the conning tower
bridge,
Of an atomic submarine quite wrecked

Enough!  Enough! Enough!
I cried,
Clenched fist aimed at the sun
Why have you forsaken me?
What wrongful sin have I done?

But the seas did not part,
And the nightmare did restart.
I dove over the side of the submarione,
Ending up next to my bed
On the floor with reality shed.