Moby Duck

Written by: tom bell

A terrifying creature,
This Valley Pond duck,
Attacking innocent Chinese cooks,
Who should have had better luck...

I dedicated my life
To killing this damn duck
That had pooped on my head...
Oh, my God, what yuck!!!

I was forced to wear a hat
Every time I went out,
Knowing this vicious duck,
Was looking for another bout...

I should move to Peking,
They know how to handle ducks,
But unfortunately their leaders
Are such stupid f__ks...

So I set my course,
Remote controlled radio boat,
Loaded with M88's
That should really get their goat

Well I blew up the boat
With my radio remote,
But ducks have wings
And a water-resistant coat

They circled overhead
Dive bombed with ducky-do,
I was gettin' more pissed
Believe me and you...

So I came up with
A devilish plan,
One worthy of such a fool,
I put out duck-sauce
That was my baiting tool...

And when they showed up,
I slipped up on ducky-do
Slid into the pond,
And lost my left foot shoe...

I was very near drowning
In that stinking pond,
But managed to save myself
By clinging to a frond

After about an hour
I was rescued by the Pond Patrol,
Who seemed to find my situation funny
And laughed without control.

So I warn you all, Beware!
Watch out for mean ol' ducks
They can crap on your head
And believe me, that really sucks.