written 14th July 2013
My sorrow, is overwhelming my 'entire' soul
for in my jaded life, my dear "Nath" would be the last breath taken away
Why does God, continue taking those that play the most 'critical' roll
my life is 'never' going to endure, any hint of ease.. no way
Heart heavy, loss and pain all consuming me 'again'
God, I plea with you leave me those that I 'love' these day's
It's become 'that' part of the year, my Nathan was taken due to 'my' curse
tears flood my entire being, why do you always insist I live entirely 'alone'
Sorrow just in this year now at 'half point' has finally taken the 'full' toll
I no longer see, any thing as my destiny that I shall 'exude'
When, will it 'ever' be my turn, I wait..to become the next called to heaven
"am" I not worthy, of your abundant grace?
You, seem to take 'everyone' I 'entrust' to a faraway land
Nathan Reide' these are my tears containing, the 'most sorrow' I've ever let fall
But, every memory of you and me, stop all of the pain
just, another pain and despair to add to my life's endurance 'till'
I long, for peace, joy and 'any' kind of life would do me,
at this point of my life, I can not take anymore, seriously, lighten up on me!
I fear in new friends, how long..before you conclude they too will end
You bless me with a loving husband, mother, father, niece
When.. do you think you might, 'let' me see them... this is my plea
returning me back into church, I am in need off being blessed
How 'come' you did take that away from me?
faith, in me stayed 'strong' you alone know the extent
I need to move 'now' I have stayed still, and achieved what I think I was to
poet, I assume that was 'my reason' why you kept here
With that now in full swing
can you now spread my wings
You are 'overpowering' my soul, and I now do as I am told
patience, never was my best strength, have I 'not' proved to you
I'm completely at your mercy, you are the entity that drives the heart of me
with all that, I need a break between all these sorrowful times, 'may I now move'
This is the deepest of despair, I have ever endured, please see me through
I am more than 'positive' I WILL NOT make it through, another emotional trial
Not to be left here, still bleeding the way I still am...
darkness has taking more of my light I'm loosing all sight, of who is me...
My heart full of anguish and grief, depression takes her advantage, of the ease
I have nothing worth finding joy or enlightenment anyway, she will have me...
I don't have any strength to even consider the thought of even trying this time
in defending myself against her this time
She only win's by default...