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A Late Autumn's Day

 dodoitsu 

Winter has begun early;
see window panes of autumn, 
Jack Frost smears with his burly
forefingers and thumb.

Your attic room, where risks run
rowdy as the eastern winds,
serves you refuge while you shun
warmer help from friends.

You who have no house to own,
loath to seeking charity,
you choose your path all alone
that’s a guaranty.

Churches offer daily meals
without impugning censure. 
Better blessing – make some deals
that bare trust, since your

God casts no smears. You must know
you are short more than your needs.
God will produce once you show
you will plant His seeds.

Twixt four fingers and your thumb
winnow pangs of laziness.
Earn warm shelter ere autumn’s
freeze spawns haziness.

for Elly Wouterse's contest  3 Proverbs and a Quote 

For my series of didactic germane dodoitsu,  I chose three German proverbs, being influenced much in my life by my German grandmother.
A poor person isn't he who has little, but he who needs a lot. 
Charity sees the need not the cause. 
God gives, but man must open his hand. 

My quote from an international celebrity is from German poet,  Rainer Maria Rilke -
“Whoever has no house now, will never have one.  Whoever is alone will stay alone,” from his poem, “Autumn Day”, translated by Stephen Mitchell.
https://audiopoetry.wordpress.com/category/poet/rainer-maria-rilke/
 
For word play:
“the four fingers and your thumb”, and “winnow pangs” of verse 6 play off of   
“the window panes” and “Jack Frost’s forefingers and thumb” of verse 1.

In Verse 4 the rhyming of "censure" with "since your" creates a pun which uses enjambment, not often used in dodoitsu.

Word with two meanings:
Verse 1 – smear – v. to wipe or daub
Verse 5 – smear – n.  a slur or insult

double meaning proverb
A poor person isn't he who has little, but he who needs a lot.
poor person  can mean  poverty-stricken  or a 
poor person can be incompetent, inept

I used the normal 7, 7, 7, 5 syllable pattern of a dodoitsu but rhymed it ABAB. Sorry I needed 24 lines to complete my thoughts.  Expanding on Rilke’s “Autumn Day” title, I took a different turn from his prayerful, more positive piece.


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  1. Date: 9/30/2014 7:16:00 PM

    oh my gosh, I think you did it!! You took the challenge and NAILED it. It sure looks that way. Wow, what an ambitious undertaking. I applaud you because you also ended up with a brilliant write!!

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