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Time Elapsed

All those years flew away 
for nothing.
Then of course the headaches 
started when weeping constantly
at the unfairness of my marriage.
You need to know that I didn't 
love him but I cherish the family 
we've created, you, my children 
are the center of my life.

My hardships coping with 
my authoritarian husband
drove us apart.
I started drifting away to 
avoid being at his mercy .

I couldn't help myself to 
get around those roadblocks 
that at the time deprived me
 from walking through
 a new path of change. 
I was stalling even in my silence, 
aware of all the deceptions 
that had come to characterize
 my life.

I had learned the hard way 
to stay calm and pretend 
that I didn't sense what was
happening to me,
and let time do its magic.
I wore this mask for so long 
I didn't feel safe without it
 exposing my true identity,
 it had to remain hidden .

I stopped blaming myself 
as I was able to survive 
my pain over the years.
Time has elapsed and done
 everything to diminish 
my anxiety and eventually
allow my soul to heal.
I cannot tolerate seeing 
myself weep anymore.

I started genuinely enjoying 
every thought that passed by, 
ready to feed myself with knowing
I would not repeat the same mistakes.
I ended up riding this roller coaster
of emotions feeling everything.
I was able to survive the pain
 when I was at the bottomless 
despair.

My walks alone under the 
blazing stars,
imagining and wishing I would 
never see him again, 
craving my marriage 
to become a memory .

I started feeling that I found 
my silence smoothed my inner anger, 
my passion has been real despite 
my original skepticism.

Walking towards my cottage 
I knew there'd been 
a reason for it.
Somehow though the wilderness 
enhanced the beauty around my 
cottage garden, 
the clouds were getting thicker 
and darker,
running inside towards 
my refuge, 
I realized that I liked being 
in control of my own life.
      At Last.

Therese Bacha
13 October 2014

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  1. Date: 10/15/2014 3:50:00 AM

    powerful piece of writing terry deep touching very beautifully penned bless you dear friend
  1. Date: 10/14/2014 10:23:00 AM

    Therese, Another great write here!! I will do my best to read you other poems too as I can work in the time to do so. I still have to write too!! One can tell, sense, and feel the emotion and power of your theme and overall write. Sometimes the personal experiences set in dramatic verse are the very hardest to write about. The last three stanzas of your poem show that you are moving in the right direction now and hopefully will continue having better tomorrows. Enjoyed it!! Cheers, Gary

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