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GOOD GOD AND ALLAH GET DOMESTICATED

GOOD GOD AND ALLAH
GET DOMESTICATED 


Good God and Allah sat
down to eat their meal,
God asked Allah: “Why
do you kneel?”
Allah took his shoes off
but his feet weren’t so
clean, 
So Good God got his 
hoover out and cleaned
them using steam.

You are tickling my feet,
said Allah – please don’t 
don’t do that, 
Shut up whinging, said
Good God – and your
feet are getting fat!
You look so very smart
tonight, said Good God
yawning with a bore,
Oh, thank you, said Allah,
now why don’t you play 
the piano?

Play the piano? But I 
cannot play? 
Oh don’t be a spoil sport – 
we could always pray!
Yes, I know that – we do
that every day – 
We need some excitement – 
and we can shout; HOORAY!

After our meal we can do
some cleaning – 
Who’s bright idea is that  
then - I can’t reach the 
ceiling?
Oh, just sit on the magic
carpet, that you stole the
other day,
And you have the nerve
to seek forgiveness – when
you kneel to pray?

We can both clean our
cave – and evict those forty
thieves,
Who trample all over the 
place – wearing nothing  
but their fig leaves!
Those forty thieves are all
my friends – how dare you
call them that?
Oh, shut up whinging – and
go and feed the cat!

And please stay off the 
mobile phones – and try to
look professional?
We live in a cave you know – 
not an Indian temple!
We’ll have to spray the cave – 
it stinks of curry spices,
How can I bring a lady back - 
and act out some heavenly 
vices?

Heavenly vices, what about
me? 
Oh you can watch if you want
to – or sit firmly on my knee?
Sit on your knee – and watch
you? I’m not a blinking pervert?
Well, you can join in if you so
desire – you can snog that guy
called Bert!       
Who the heck is Bert, I know
not that funny name?
Oh, that’s the guy on the dance-
floor – he danced with that 
great fat dame!

We can invite two lovely ladies,
into our heavenly mosque,
Then sit down, have a beer – 
and haggle on the cost!
Haggle on the cost - what are
you expecting?
Well, you never do know – 
things could get exciting!

We can take them to the 
disco – and bop the night away-
And we can do some somersaults – 
but you always want to pray?
We can take to the dance floor -
both hand in hand – 
Jiving like we are demented – 
to the meerkat rock n roll band?

Who the heck are they, are
they from the temple?
You know; Aleksandr, Sergie,
and baby Oleg – they always
say; “simple!”
Oh, yeah, now I know – I see
them on TV,
Aleksandr, Sergie, and little 
baby Oleg – their toys, they
gave to me!

Gave to you – how do you
mean – you don’t drive a
car?
No, I know that, you silly 
man, but I do smoke a cigar!
And as the politicians keep 
saying; “smoking, is bad for
you” – 
I have to make a claim – and
get quickly what I’m due!

Yes, yes, but that’s in the
future, what about Christmas?
Oh, let that wait – I’m sick
of it – we’d better go to mass?
Well you can go as I’m staying
in – and watch the boring TV,
Well, if you don’t pay your TV 
licence, in prison you will be!

Just then their alarm went off,
and what a dream they had.
Let’s go to the holy temple and
pray for my dad?
Why, what’s special about your
dad – is he still classed as mad?
He used to be a terrorist – oh 
he was very bad!

Okay, old chum, we pray together – 
but please sit over there,
As when you let off an horrible
fart – the stench will fill the air?!
Here’s to good times and freedom
for everyone, 
Now just don’t forget to carry – 
that thing called a ‘mobile phone’?

So, as both Good God and Allah,
both held each other’s hands –
They started to mysteriously dance – 
and also threw in handstands!
Both Allah and Good God – have
now achieved world peace, 
And everyone lives in harmony – 
in the glorious human race!


BY
DARRYL ASHTON  
            
                      

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