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I had to Tell

 can not sleep my eyes close but nothing but darkness comes
No sweet dreams for those that live in nightmares
Their is a monster in my room
His hot breath makes a necklace of sweat on my neck
I close my eyes tight hoping that the world of dreams will open
But it dose not stop him from pulling the covers back
Why has God abandoned me
Why has he cast me into a place only monsters dwell

I can not sleep my eyes close but nothing but darkness comes
No sweet dreams for those that live in nightmares
Their is a monster in my room
He is stroking my back with cold fingers of ice
They burn lines of shame into my skin
He pulls my hair back and sniffs it up his nostrils
Sucking in all the strawberry smell
He breaths out rotting tomatoes and whisk sours
It soaks into my skin
I am griping the covers so hard my fingers lock up
Oh God why me
He rips the blanket and it sails to the floor

I can not sleep my eyes close but nothing but darkness comes
No sweet dreams for those that live in nightmares
Their is a monster in my room
He is laying next to me
Pulsing and vibrating
And growing
I try to move away
But his hands are griping my hips
Claws dig in like a knife blade
He whisper into my ear
What he wants makes me cry out silently
Its always the same
His words burn my nightgown off
My bare body is being eaten by his eyes

I can not sleep my eyes close but nothing but darkness comes
No sweet dreams for those that live in nightmares
Their is a monster in my room
He forcefully takes what he wants
A hand over my mouth steals the words out my mouth before 
my brain and produce them
His body slams into mine
The headboard brakes the plaster on the wall
Sweet drips into my eyes
And they burn as my tears mix with them
He quivers and shakes and grunts
Nothing I can do but pray to a God that is deaf to me
With a final grunt he pulls away

I can not sleep my eyes close but nothing but darkness comes
No sweet dreams for those that live in nightmares
Their is a monster in my room
He tells me I am a good girl
Good girls do not tell
Blood runs down my legs
It is sticky and my stomach tightens
Vomit rushes up but I swallow it down
No use puking and crying
It won't help or stop it
Sometimes you just have to suck shit up
As my mother would say
But mother never new
Because good girls do not tell

I can not sleep my eyes only see him
Insomnia keeps my eyes open
He made me bitter and cold
I just bottle every thing up
Then exploded with such violence that it scares me
And my knuckles bleed from taking it out on the walls
And I hid my arms were I take flesh from bone
So I drink to forget
I became an alcoholic at 13
And a fuck up at 23
I found the Carnival of Carnage when I was 9
And I understood what the family was at 10
But I was a good girl
And good girls do not tell
So no one new that I needed to be saved

I can not sleep my eyes close but nothing but darkness comes
No sweet dreams for those that live in nightmares
Their is no purpose in my life
I get up when the sun chases the moon from the sky
I go to work
I drink
I get angry
And then do it all over again
Lost in spiral of violence
Violence that I feed with more violence
And violence is like adding darkness to the night
It just makes it harder for the stars to come out

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  1. Date: 7/29/2014 12:34:00 AM

    Hi Erica, welcome to the Soup.. Nice poem! Excited to read more of your work and to have you check out mine!
  1. Date: 7/28/2014 8:44:00 PM

    Erica,, A nice warm WELCOME to poetry soup. I hope you enjoy the community, as I did when I first join, March 2010. You'll find many friendly poets, who are ready to support and give positive feedback. I want to be the first to invite you on over, to the contest page. I OFFER MY CONTEST, in hopes it inspires you to write another poem. I'm looking forward to following you and your poetry ha-ha a special pair:) here's the link to the contest page. http://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry_contests/ <---~Take Care!! From: your new poet friend @-> LINDA <-@

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