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Suicide Child

Christopher Wellbelove Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Suicide Child which was written by poet Christopher Wellbelove. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Suicide Child

I can't remember if the sun was shining
Or if the clouds looked down on me as I stood 
A child of ten standing on a window sill 
Whispering to himself he should

It started shortly after I woke
Distant where the trigger was
I'm guessing just the overflow
of everything they did and said

Finally ground down by all around
And though I'd fought for years 
Death becomes a friend
When she's the only one there for you

Knowing I would soon be in the playground 
Where no nurse could make better the names they cruelled 
Knowing my mothers boyfriend was down stairs 
Waiting for his latest vile whim to unfold

My mind consumed by every name called
I was not the same they proved 
Alone in my crowded thoughts
T o death I looked for belonging

As I dressed my imagination dreamt
What could happen today? 
Exploding into the unknown 
My strength rapidly dissolved
I could see no directions 
that didn't lead to another painful day

As my journey to the end begun
All they told me loading the gun
All that made me different from
Pushing me closer and closer to the edge of no return

In front of the mirror I stood
Cut off my curly hair
No longer the golliwog
That their taunts would compare

I covered my skin in talcum powder
As I didn't want to be
That horrible thick coon
he always called me.

My hair a mess
My colour unmasked
Tired, Frightened, alone,
I decided enough, enough

Standing on the window sill
The last bastion for survival colliding inside 
As the exhausted wishes to hang on
Were overcome by the desperation to escape this hollow excuse for life

No single tear a cry for help
As id learnt they choose not to hear
I urge myself towards an end to the hurt
where the crying would clear

As I engulf my mind in my final moments
And call for death to take my hand 
From across the road a woman called 
To this day she probably doesn't know she saved my life

Tears unintentionally
Created rivers down talcum powdered cheeks
But my mother didn't laugh 
when she found me

I guess that's where you'd expect everything to be made right 
I guess that's where I learnt to no longer believe
Through every promising word in the wake of what could 
They didn't do what they should

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