Submit Your Poems
Get Your Premium Membership

Post Comments

Please Login to post a comment
  1. Date: 11/24/2013 7:12:00 PM
    why thank you for the HM... soup mail

  1. Date: 8/25/2013 2:20:00 PM
    Ow gee the pang of absemce/regret/thristiness/Chris its nice to retead this beauty..My heart aches ...Very sad.

  1. Date: 8/22/2013 7:54:00 AM
    Chris, here is my LAST comment on this! :) Here is the response of my Korean friend, Chanmin Chung: I read now!! It's amazing!!! I've never imagined that one of my foreign friends writes Sijo..unbelievable. Thanks a lot!!! O...We are proud of you!! You are better than me!! O...we should prepare honorary Korean citizenship for you. :) Of course, I did post your evaluation! That did give it clout! :) Thanks ever so much!

    Aechtner Avatar Chris D. Aechtner
    Date: 8/24/2013 12:25:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Eileen, this comment is fantastic for me to read!
  1. Date: 8/21/2013 5:38:00 PM
    Hi, Chris....I'm just stopping by to thank you EVER so much for taking the time to read and comment on my sijo. You were generous with your evaluation. I do thank you as I am sensitive...I mean...I didn't even try from the objective/subjective Yin-Yang. About the punctuation...are you suggestion I have a comma at the end of the second line? I mean, grammatically speaking, the first two lines do not require one! I see you've made changes!!! NICE!

  1. Date: 8/21/2013 2:15:00 PM
    Chris, I like that you left out strong in the last one, because that is what a gust is anyway....and I liked the down in the second one, because veer does not necessarily mean to go down, but the connotation with DOWN is deep to the message of the poem. The syllable count is not compromised! I do wish you would have a look at mine and give an opinion since you are well versed in this. Debbie can't cause it is for the contest. Thanks for the explanation.

  1. Date: 8/21/2013 1:23:00 PM
    Ok I will put in my two cents ;) I like the last one best too 'little monkey' I wish we had a Korean teacher to talk to BUT I bet they would say the syllable count is not as important as the content and off by a couple of syllables one way or the other should not stop the verse from being a sijo or being a good verse [haiku spent too long with this argument when in fact Japanese onji do not equate to English syllables ]

    Aechtner Avatar Chris D. Aechtner
    Date: 8/22/2013 12:05:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yeah, Korean doesn't appear to be tonal like Japanese. I think the Korean syllable counts might not equate 100% exactly with the English count, but a lot closer than with Japanese, so I stick to the official syllable rules of Sijo even though I write the form in English. Sure, content can be more important than the syllable count, but I enjoy the challenge of working with the form. If I come across an instance when fitting into the syllable count sacrifices the content completely, I'll let a syllable slide....only as long as the middle line still maintains the highest syllable count, sticking with the official discipline.
    Aechtner Avatar Chris D. Aechtner
    Date: 8/22/2013 12:01:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Interesting. I actually try not to 'cut apart' prose to fit a syllable count, especially with this particular Sijo, because I experimented with each line being one-half objective, and the other half, subjective(and alternating this from line to line -- hence the wide white-spacing in each main line). If you notice, in all of the different versions so far, the first halves of each line stayed the same. But, you brought-up a very pertinent point overall. If I catch myself breaking apart prosey in order for it to fit the syllable count of a form, I'll try all over again from scratch(or at least, close -- it isn't the best habit to 'syllable-force' a form).
    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 8/21/2013 1:31:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I like 3 better because it sounds the least like English prose poetry cut up into the correct syllable pattern. Okies Korean is NOT a tonal language I found out that much BUT I am still unsure Korean syllables can be equated to English syllables
  1. Date: 8/21/2013 3:53:00 AM
    Twilight Zone, I think it's the Twilight Zone so I will comment here again...Very interesting how you developed several versions of this Sijo and it's cool how you showed a bit of a blow-by-blow here, sharing your insights why the version turned that way. Somehow the word "downer" got to me, I think that can be applicable to me, can also be, I'm stretching here- low', word play on dips low, dip slow. But then that would contradict that gust, but yeah, the kite slumps after the wind drops quick. Just my humble opinion, I actually liked the last version best, I think you capture so much more of the scene, even more so the emotions (of what could have transpired, and inspired this) by changing and using words that convey more meaning, and show more.

  1. Date: 8/20/2013 11:49:00 PM
    Ok, something sort of niggled at me when I read this earlier because yes I did say below I remember this but what I also didn't say is I recalled this slightly differently, with the mid and last line (but yes, my memory isn't exactly reliable) what I am trying to say is that last line, I think (just my opinion) it can also do without the word "ways" --how I read it, using the word made it a bit wordy. Yes, this comment is weird. Don't worry, I have a feeling my comments will self destruct soon--yeah, deleting that word lessens the syllable count, so that might not work? not sure if 42 is acceptable? don't mind me, just thinking

    nawala Avatar wala na nawala
    Date: 8/21/2013 3:21:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    It would be a shame if others not be able to read it. Go try posting it again minus a space or two.
    nawala Avatar wala na nawala
    Date: 8/21/2013 3:20:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I guess you better tweak that 3010 version, it's not being too friendly and Really wants it without the 'e'. Seriously, I think the glitch is you exceeded the allowable characters. adding that extra "e" won't allow it to do so anymore. try removing a space.Maybe that would work. That was a fun read.
    Aechtner Avatar Chris D. Aechtner
    Date: 8/21/2013 12:49:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I saw the missing "e" in the Censorship post, but there's a glitch so I can't edit that poem, so I deleted it. I can edit any other poem.
    Aechtner Avatar Chris D. Aechtner
    Date: 8/21/2013 12:44:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    1st line stands complete for me. The other two can be re-arranged.........over and over again.
    Aechtner Avatar Chris D. Aechtner
    Date: 8/21/2013 12:42:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    This is one of several remixes I have. No, not even 43 syllables is good enough, so I can add sylls to line 2 and 3 without forcing em too much. Yeah, either version, the ending bugs me....
  1. Date: 8/20/2013 9:23:00 PM
    I remember this picturesque (for me anyhow) yet sad one, and I think this is such a loaded Sijo, with much meaning and symbolism that the kite, (even the title) denotes. I recall how impressed and even envious I was with this, this being a 'speed Sijo' written in a minute if I recall correctly, my attempt at that sucked. The spacing you used here worked really well with the message, especially for that last line, it just stays with you. You don't need me to say how good this is, since you know so much more about Sijo than I do, but yes I'm a bit stubborn and say this is such a wonderful read, so much said in those lines with just the right touch of melancholy.

  1. Date: 8/20/2013 5:45:00 PM
    yes... a sudden sadness that comes to mind... very nicely written. hugs, Catie :)