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It Happened

Annie Justice Avatar    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled It Happened which was written by poet Annie Justice. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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It Happened

I hated myself.
I hate myself 
I am hating myself.
Torture.
Is what I do to myself at 2:33am when I'm thinking about how much of a waste I've become, am becoming and how I think, think about how no difference will be made if I was not here. Walking, talking, eating, breathing, living. 
Just take it all away - it turns me upside down, inside out when I can't stop those wheels from turning in my head; they never stop - like some unstoppable tape record playing in my head- over and over and over again.
I don't sleep to good.
Maybe it's the way I say your name at that present moment in time and my mind automatically swells with 
Nostalgia.
Or maybe it's the way I always think of your pretty big eyes that are the perfect shade of brown in the midst of my sorrows. 
We once shared those. 
But now they're just unequally balanced upon my shoulders, wreaking havoc in the last of the ruins that have been provided.
Oh look what I've gone and done.
I wanted to be alone not lonely. 
I hate myself for what I have done to myself
Sadness is what I have become,
Consumed me in a way that is not visible to the naked eye- so only I can see.
It hits me at any given time of day - it slams against the mental capacity I have for the self loathing I have assimilated throughout my tiresome life.
All the self regret and self deprecation that has surfed through my mind during those lonely nights I laid there motionless and bitter have finally come and took over. 
My mind, body and soul.
My troublesome inner demons taunt me. We are no longer shy acquaintances, we are the best of friends who spend each passing hour of the day together. 
I don't want to live this way. Nor do I want to die this way, I'm entitled to spend the days of my life as openly and freely as I please but I still have sinking feeling - this clawing sensation, drawing me back to my sadness. Like a heroin junkie high as a kite - I'm addicted. And I don't know how. I'm addicted to my sadness and there's no cure for that.
I have to go now.
I have to cease this sharp self afflicted pain,
With the only way I know best.
There is a saying that says,
Destroy Anything That Destroys You
So I did. 

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  1. Date: 8/5/2013 10:30:00 AM
    Hello new member: Annie ! - Welcome to P-Soup. - Thank you for choosing to share your poems here with us. - I look forward to reading more in the future. - Have a good time and I wish you luck. - (Give and receive comments) - oxox / / Anne-Lise :)

  1. Date: 8/4/2013 5:41:00 PM
    Anne,, your first poem on the soup is excellent for the readers, I love it!! Stopping by with a nice, sweet Welcome to Poetry Soup. Wishing you the best when it comes to your poems. I hope you get to meet all the nice poets around here. Starting with me. SKAT :-) Please drop a hello and tell me a little about yourself if you like. I would like to be your newest poetry soup fan and "FRIEND"....... God Bless..... Hugs* SKAT

  1. Date: 8/4/2013 5:34:00 PM
    What a dope poem you got so emotionally you deserve the best.

  1. Date: 8/4/2013 3:39:00 PM
    Anne, some times we have to do what we have to, when it comes to surviving. Thank you for sharing this poem of deep emotions-A nice warm WELCOME to poetry soup. Dropping by to invite you to my latest contest. You will find the contest page on the top left hand side* -Looking forward in following and reading your poetry. Hope to hear from you soon. You will enjoy the community, we are one big happy family. (Drama & Love. LOL) ~ Take Care!! From: your new poet friend @-> LINDA <-@ ...