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Haiku 71

Jack Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Haiku 71 which was written by poet Jack Jordan. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Haiku 71

	
	
	
	Haiku 71
	
	betrayal... 
	the trust of a friend
	my poor judgment
	
	
	


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  1. Date: 8/18/2013 1:14:00 PM
    betrayal is a wonderful Senryu. Your simple statement word gets us ready for 2 and 3 and says how you feel about a friend who threw you under the bus with a betrayal. And the 3rd line is the little surprise. It is all good juxtaposition. Your use for numbering your haiku makes it cold. The rule, if rules are good or bad, is that the first line always gives the haiku its title. Just a suggestion, and it is easy to find the poem again. Robert Henry Poulin

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 8/18/2013 3:31:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks for the advice. I know very little about Senryu, but I'll be sure to find out. I agree about numbering, but the haiku I see in the journals and online typically don't have titles. You're correct; it is difficult to find a particular haiku with numbers for titles... jack
  1. Date: 8/16/2013 10:31:00 AM
    Jack, i don't think I have friends out here. I don't have poor judgment on peeps. However, in the past I made mistakes by trusting peeps who later betrayed our friendship... lesson learned... thanks for the soup mail...Linda

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 8/16/2013 1:04:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    You're welcome... jack
  1. Date: 8/2/2013 2:50:00 PM
    If I had a nickel...thank you for this, Jack. I get this one wholly.