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She has a blank stare, revised

ANDREA TRAVIS Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled She has a blank stare, revised which was written by poet ANDREA TRAVIS. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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She has a blank stare, revised

Now she has a blank stare
Try not to meet her eyes
For you might drown in there

She is only a maiden fair
With long hair back in ties
Now she has a blank stare

Looking closely you might not care
Contemplating her lies
For you might drown in there

Is it safe or to beware
Most caught men not wise
Now she has a blank stare

Will your lungs be gasping for air
Or burst as your body dies
For you might drown in there

Her care for love, she does but tear
No matter how deep your sighs
Now she has a blank stare
For you might drown in there.

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  1. Date: 8/10/2013 7:08:00 AM
    good revision much more of a villanelle now well done Shadow x smiles

    TRAVIS Avatar ANDREA TRAVIS
    Date: 8/10/2013 11:18:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks for your help! In time, I aspire to try out more poetic forms and discover the "best fits" for me. I love the villanelle, pantoum and petrarchan sonnets. I've never been much on rules, but I see how the beauty in well written forms must be followed, in order to appreciate the distinction between the many! Many thanks! Andrea
  1. Date: 8/7/2013 4:42:00 PM
    its a lovely poem but it does not follow the form correctly soup mail me and I will talk you through it shadow x smiles

  1. Date: 7/31/2013 1:01:00 PM
    Scary! But very nice. :o)