Submit a Poem
Get Your Premium Membership
spacer
 

lovely breeze can you take my message

manel gunatillake Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled lovely breeze can you take my message which was written by poet manel gunatillake. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

Read Poems by manel gunatillake

Best Manel Gunatillake Poems

+ Fav Poet

lovely breeze can you take my message

        Hello there lovely breeze! Can you take her my secret message?
	The golden shower leaves in front of my window
	Like her golden hair locks Waving to your rhythm 
	So I do not waste a second to welcome you 

	The golden shower leaves in front of my window	
	The flowers sprinkle an aroma similar to her's
	So I do not waste a second to welcome you 
	In your arms you are carrying her fragrance again

	The flowers sprinkle an aroma similar to her's
 	I secretly enjoyed her smell when she was seated in the park
	In your arms you are carrying her fragrance again
	How do I tell her that she smells like a golden shower flower?

 	I secretly enjoyed her smell while she was seated in the park
 	May be she is waiting for her lover’s kiss 
	How do I tell her that she smells like a golden shower flower?
	Can you whisper in her ear to say I am longing for her fragrance again?

 	May be she is waiting for her lover’s kiss
	Like her golden hair locks Waving to your rhythm 
	Can you whisper in her ear to say I am longing for her fragrance again?
	Hello there lovely breeze! Can you take her my secret message?


Post Comments

Please Login to post a comment
 
  1. Date: 7/30/2013 6:47:00 AM

    "I watch the shower of golden leaves in front of my window". I think this says the same thing but flows with your new line. Don't forget to correct your maybe (it is just one word not two.) you now have the form perfect. Good work Manel. Hugs Rick

  1. Date: 7/29/2013 8:21:00 PM

    You've done an amazing job with this pantoum form Manel, and the content is exquisite, love xxx

    gunatillake Avatar manel gunatillake Date: 7/30/2013 3:30:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you my dear
  1. Date: 7/29/2013 5:54:00 PM

    Manel, this is beautifully written. A gorgeous gem you shined here with your words luv. Hugs and love, Gail

    gunatillake Avatar manel gunatillake Date: 7/29/2013 7:50:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you Angel
  1. Date: 7/29/2013 5:41:00 PM

    Thankyou so much Manel, it is a fine Pantoum check the last stanza you have broke form, one small adjustment and it will be perfect.

    gunatillake Avatar manel gunatillake Date: 7/29/2013 7:52:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you Richard I take your advice
    Lamoureux Avatar Richard Lamoureux Date: 7/29/2013 5:48:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    The third line of the first Stanza should be the second line of the last stanza. You may wish to rewrite the second line so that it fits better in your story. example "Flowing to the beat of her lonely heart". second suggestion Maybe is one word not seperated, an easy change. I hope this helps.
  1. Date: 7/29/2013 4:48:00 PM

    this is utterly beautiful, dear lady!!! The way a pantoum ought to be done!!

    gunatillake Avatar manel gunatillake Date: 7/29/2013 7:52:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank You Andrea