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Haiku 68

Jack Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Haiku 68 which was written by poet Jack Jordan. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Haiku 68

				
	
	
		
	Haiku 68
		
		
	storms raging
	breached levees of sanity
	lives swept away
	
	
	rain-swollen river
	lost in swirling darkness
	madness in their eyes


	receding waters
	absent, some forgotten
	voids where they once were
	

	my awakened heart


 

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  1. Date: 7/20/2013 2:33:00 PM
    glad to see you felt the same about this.

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 7/20/2013 3:23:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    There was a growing consensus, so I deleted it. Again, thanks for your opinion, both you and Richard... Jack
  1. Date: 7/19/2013 7:11:00 AM
    I'm with Andrea I also prefer this poem, kinda the less is more concept. Both are good but this one forces the mind to dig where the other one leaves the diamonds on top of the ground and robs the reader of the wonder of discovery.

  1. Date: 7/19/2013 1:27:00 AM
    something about the format I guess, makes me like this one best.

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 7/19/2013 7:29:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    I agree... Thanks for the critique. Writing two versions was an experiment, and I learned a lot from doing so... Jack
  1. Date: 7/18/2013 1:53:00 PM
    - Super !!! - Well done Jack. - oxox // Anne-Lise :)

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 7/18/2013 1:55:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks, as always... Jack
  1. Date: 7/18/2013 1:49:00 PM
    Beautifu & powerful in its tides.

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 7/18/2013 1:54:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks, Drake. I'm glad you liked the water metaphor... Jack