My mynah bird can’t spell a word
But he can surely speak it.
He squawks all day in mindless rants
And really makes a racket.
Whenever our TV is on
He’ll cock his head and listen,
Then he recites commercials for
Dish soap and cures for bald men.
My mynah bird can mimic me.
He never shuts his fat beak.
And when he copies my poor mom,
She turns into a real freak!
“Do something with that awful bird!”
I often hear her holler,
“I’ll ship him off to Timbuktu,
You bet your bottom dollar!”
So yesterday I moved his cage
Next to the open window
Where he could chatter with a squirrel
Or babble with a black crow.
I played outside with my friend Nate.
We climbed up in our old tree
Where Nate told me what he just heard
From his big brother Andy.
It was the ‘latest slang’ he said.
I thought it sounded real cool-
And so did my rat mynah bird
Who played me for a big fool.
At dinner time when all our mouths
Were filled with mom’s spaghetti,
My mynah bird just blurted out
What he heard my friend tell me.
Then mom dragged me straight down the hall-
I felt like such a dumb dope
When she presented my dessert-
A plate of sudsy bar soap!
I choked and gagged on my own words.
Oh, I’d make that mynah tweet!
Getting even with blabber mouths
Made that bitter soap taste sweet!
This morning I phoned my friend Nate-
We knew we’d get revenge soon.
That bird must learn to bite his tongue
Or he’d sing a different tune.
I grabbed his cage and toted him
On the back of my old bike,
And met Nate at the only place
Mynah birds don’t ever like
We went inside and stood in line.
Then my nasty mynah sang.
He belted out commercial tunes
Interjected with ‘cool slang.’
Shocked mothers hugged their precious kids
To shield their tender, young ears.
Old ladies gasped, “Well I never-
In all my live long years!”
The clerk leaned over, stared, then barked,
“Now, what can I do for yooooou?”
“How much to ship this mynah bird
From my house to Timbuktu?”