Why Not Me? 1/25/13
At times I allow my thoughts to wonder to that one question that brings such sorrow and pain; why not me! I have gone through life not knowing why but have often wondered why not me too?
I have cried more times than not and prayed for understanding. What could be so wrong with me? I have so much love to give and all I have ever wanted was to have someone, anyone to love me as much as I love them. I want to be the most important person in the world to someone and always come first.
I want and need someone to love me. I have so much to give but need the same in return. If I can love unconditionally; can’t someone love me the same way! I can’t understand how or why I could go through life and never find love. I have prayed my entire life to find my one true love. I have never given up but still find myself asking why not me.
My heart breaks while my mind is torn apart not understanding why I can’t be loved. I have loved so that I just wanted to melt together only to be rejected!
Why not me; is the question that I dare to ponder leaving my heart ripped apart as my screams are heard only by me. I only ask for love! What is in store for me that I have never found anyone that loves me?
At times when these thoughts surface tears follow and sadness fills every inch of my soul. To know I am unlovable is almost too much to bear. My prayers seem to go unheard, as they remain unanswered. I can’t believe no love for me is the answer! So my heart and mind filled with pain and sadness wonder why not me?
Broken and alone as I continue on my journey through life, my heart guarded by the highest walls keeps love safe inside no longer trusting. Now knowing love will not find me and it’s not safe to ask that question to such a lonely and broken heart. I guard against the razor sharp why not me!