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Haiku 48

Jack Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Haiku 48 which was written by poet Jack Jordan. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Haiku 48

	
	
	purple irises
	seductive yellow throats
	bees hovering
	
	
	pale pink peonies
	no more butterfly kisses
	petals falling

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  1. Date: 5/23/2013 1:35:00 PM
    I like this a lot, particularly the contrasting colours in the first one and the alliteration in the second one...in answer to what you said, as I understand it haiku can have less syllables than the traditional 17, the 17-syllable 5, 7, 5 format is the one that's used the most but it's perfectly acceptable to use less, as you have here :)

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 5/23/2013 1:46:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks for the nice comment. Yes, you are correct about haiku. It's clear that 5-7-5 and 17 syllables are not absolute rules, but can vary, especially for modern writers in English. As I mentioned, take a look at the haiku of Gary Snyder and do a search for "Modern Haiku," a periodical devoted to the form. Similar issues seem to exist about absolute rules for monoku.
  1. Date: 5/18/2013 8:20:00 PM
    Lovely, Jack, all nice things and imagery must fade away.... but will return... enjoyed~ Linda

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 5/18/2013 9:53:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks for stopping by... Jack
  1. Date: 5/14/2013 9:32:00 PM
    Enjoyed this flower garden of words. maybe you could call it " syncopated haiku" BG

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 5/14/2013 10:05:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Nice idea! I like it... Jack
  1. Date: 5/14/2013 2:23:00 PM
    What I don't know is what you call haiku that's written in a strand like this. They tell a story collectively, while individually they can still stand alone. I'm honestly really curious to what it would be called because I don't think there's a name for it...

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 5/14/2013 5:36:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    I haven't found a name for doing it this way, so I think of it as two loosely related haiku. Frankly, it makes sense either way. Jack
  1. Date: 5/14/2013 2:21:00 PM
    I clicked on the link... very pretty flowers! I was reading Alfred's comment and I just wanted to add "my two cents". Haiku has changed a lot over the years and I believe that once you pass the 5-7-5 rule your haiku really excels into something far better. Now I'm not saying haiku that DOESN'T follow the rule is better or worse... I'm just saying the freedom of not thinking in syllables leaves room for your haiku to soar into new heights.

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 5/14/2013 5:37:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    I think I may add a bit to my comments. I'll see if I can live with what I write before I post it.
  1. Date: 5/14/2013 10:09:00 AM
    - This was just beautifully, Jack! - oxox / / Anne-Lise :)

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 5/14/2013 10:20:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks! It is Spring, after all... Jack
  1. Date: 5/14/2013 9:45:00 AM
    I agree with Kim, quite eloquent indeed. I liked how the first was so full of life and the second was a picture of fading away. I don't know what peonies look like, but I sure do find 'em in haiku a lot!

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 5/14/2013 10:22:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Look at: https://www.google.com/search?q=peonies&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=gmSSUeipNYyF0QH_mIHADw&ved=0COABEIke&biw=1124&bih=601
  1. Date: 5/14/2013 8:37:00 AM
    What an eloquent Haiku written with such visual poetry. Thanks for sharing.

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan
    Date: 5/14/2013 10:21:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    You're welome, and thanks for reading it... Jack