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When Abuse Drags Me Down

Michelle Boitumelo Mhlanga Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled When Abuse Drags Me Down which was written by poet Michelle Boitumelo Mhlanga. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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When Abuse Drags Me Down

I never knew how it felt like 
being emotionally and physically 
abused until the day you 
stepped in to my life. The early 
months of this relationship 
were amazing, it felt like heaven, 
some how I knew I had fallen in 
love with an amazing man, or so 
I thought.

But there started to be rules, 
me restricted contact with my 
male friends, I took it lightly at 
first, until the day I spent time 
with Clinton at the park and 
you came rushing, at that time I 
knew I had to tell him to leave 
or there would be trouble, he 
left.

You hit my leg several times, it 
was painful, as though I was 
been hit by a brick, you grabbed 
me by my tummy and started 
squeezing me so hard, it's sad 
how I couldn't defend myself, I 
was powerless, you had all the 
power over me.

Many contacts were removed 
from my phone, now talking to 
a guy was considered a sin in 
your mind, I couldn't talk to no 
one. Even some of my 
girlfriends, I was not allowed to 
spend time with them, that's 
how much of a selfish man you 
were, I just don't get the fact 
how you failed to understand, 
my friends were in my life 
before you.

And then came a day where you 
found pictures of me and 
Dumisani, we were at your 
place, in your room, you slapped 
me so hard 2x on the face 
without even hearing my story, 
it was painful, you continued 
hitting me, I was in deep pain, I 
felt it all over my body, and 
then you had to top it up, you 
hit my nose with a phone.

I will never forget that day, I sat 
the whole day in your room 
crying, I hated you, I wished all 
sort of things bad could happen 
to you, I wished you were dead 
and most of all I wished I had 
never met you. You were now 
my worst nightmare, I was 
never comfortable around you. 
How did I end up with an arse 
like you, I questioned myself.

I went to Nhlamu's one 
saturday, I spent the entire day 
there, you came drunk in the 
evening, and you insisted I was 
going to your place with you, I 
said no, and you left, then you 
decided to come back, you 
called for me, I came out and 
then you started dragging me 
down the stairs, I screamed for 
I was in pain.

People came out to help, you 
left, after a while you came 
back, only this time you brought 
my clothes, I don't know what 
you had done to them, they 
were all covered in dirt and 
they were wet.
Why would God give me you of 
all men in this world? Why?

I wished you could change, but I 
understood one thing, it was 
not my place to change you, 
Only God could do so. 
Remaining with you for the sake 
of changing you through 
positive influence was a 
misguided perspective that was 
certain to fail, it had placed me 
in suffering that was not 
required or expected of me.

But in the end, the excuses used 
to continue a hurtful 
relationship fall short. One day I 
will leave, and it will be for good, 
for I don't understand why I'm 
still with you, when there are 
many men out there, good men 
who want a chance with me.

I'm tired of your sorries, they 
are sad and depressing, let's 
admit it, you don't deserve me.

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