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Haiku 42 - 1,2,3,4,5

Jack Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Haiku 42 - 1,2,3,4,5 which was written by poet Jack Jordan. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Haiku 42 - 1,2,3,4,5

							
			1
		a noiseless moment 
		he writes in his diary
		incessant snow  
			
			
			2
		every day he hoped   
		every day she avoided…  
		waning moon
			
					
			3
		his need for love 
		he opened his careless mouth 
		oak tree, splintered
				
			
			4
		words that she heard
		anger and bewilderment
		forest inferno
			
			
			5
		his trembling sadness 
		enclosed in silence and time
		incessant snow
			
			
			Fin

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  1. Date: 5/4/2013 6:11:00 PM

    Interesting work that you have penned in these..I love the play on words with emotion...Sara

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan Date: 5/4/2013 7:37:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks, Sara. I had fun writing it... Jack
  1. Date: 4/29/2013 12:19:00 AM

    I've responded to your comments on my work. I wanted to say I'd love to try haikai, but I can't think of a practical way to do it on the soup. The only thing that half way makes sense (in my mind) is Soup Mail message bouncing back and forth between other members. Each time the message gets longer and longer, extending the poem. While at the same time, though, that kinda puts pressure on people to think of an add-on quickly... Hmmmm...

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan Date: 4/29/2013 7:42:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    That's sort of what I thought too. Doing so would necessitate having a list of writers beforehand, publishing the results every time a new haiku was added (I'm not sure where. Maybe on both of our pages.), and editing none of them. we could write the first and last. I suggest one of the shorter forms such as shisan (12 writers; http://www.ahapoetry.com/renga.htm)... Jack
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 11:25:00 PM

    This line of haiku brings a profound silence as it ends. Thank you for the truly wonderful and inspirational piece!

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan Date: 4/29/2013 7:28:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    You're welcome, and thank you for the good support... Jack
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 8:56:00 PM

    This I call mastery of the haiku. Each one can stand on its own, yet they're an integral part of the whole. Lovely work, Jack. :)

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan Date: 4/28/2013 9:11:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    That's very kind of you. I really appreciate the comment... Jack
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 5:34:00 PM

    I always admire those that wrote Haiku saying so much with so little. The real poets.

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan Date: 4/28/2013 7:44:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you. That's very kind... Jack
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 2:19:00 PM

    - I see what you mean, Jack - they go together like a "haiku story" - well done! - (I posted a Haiku today) - Have a great new week! - oxox / / Anne-Lise :)

  1. Date: 4/28/2013 9:46:00 AM

    Kinda went full circle on me. I was wrong in my guess, but it's still a very well written piece. A journal piece filled with great sadness. I wonder what you could accurately call this? Each individual haiku works on it's own, yet at the same time it forms a sorta story format. I've always wanted to try haikai (the origins of haiku), but you need several poets to join you...

    Jordan Avatar Jack Jordan Date: 4/28/2013 9:57:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    That sounds like an interesting idea...