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Sedoka 2

Timothy Hicks Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Sedoka 2 which was written by poet Timothy Hicks. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Sedoka 2

independence day -
kids play with sparklers
while men carry purple hearts

I think of the day
earth will copy moon
countless craters

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  1. Date: 4/28/2013 8:37:00 PM
    Look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renga Jack

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/28/2013 11:51:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    I checked out the link... it doesn't show up though? It says the page got deleted or something...
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 8:06:00 PM
    I second Richard's words. You paint a dark picture, my friend. I like the sedoka form. I may give it a try. You mentioned haikai earlier. I wonder if there's a way to structure one on the soup? Perhaps as a different form of contest, one that recruits haiku writers. No winners other than being included in the haikai? Jack

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/28/2013 11:50:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    I thought about it, but it sounds difficult. For one it all has to be written in order. For example I submit a piece of the poem, then the next person, then the next, and so on. I'm not sure how that would work in the contest? Doing it in person yes... but online sounds like a very big group cooperation (and not everyone writes haiku here).
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 6:55:00 PM
    Hi Tim, I can see what you're saying here, lets hope our leaders get the message. I do have some thoughts for you though. If we don't celebrate past events that have brought us to this point, we run the risk of forgetting, if we forget, we will not learn, if we do not learn we run the greater risk of repeating. Is it not the celebration/remembrance that brings these thoughts into your mind in the first place? Take care, Richard

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/28/2013 11:49:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    It seems I fluctuate between extreme optimism to extreme pessimism. Basically my thought process was not to celebrate blindly. Celebrating your own freedom while others are still living in chaos can end up in destruction for everyone. I see how you read it like you did though and appreciate anyone's input.
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 8:09:00 AM
    A horrible cycle, celebration and more war, until nothing is left to celebrate.

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/28/2013 8:50:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    You are spot on, my friend! I've showed this to other people in the past, but I don't think they clicked with the message.
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 2:52:00 AM
    The imagery and the contrast of the two stanzas-a great write! Rick

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/28/2013 8:49:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks again Rick! Sedokas are fun to mess around with...
  1. Date: 4/28/2013 1:45:00 AM
    this is great, Timothy. I love the imagery of the first part!!

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/28/2013 8:48:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Thanks Andrea. The first part is the image while the second are the emotions/feelings. I'm glad you liked it!