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Even MORE Somewhat Twisted Thoughts of the Day

Tim Ryerson Avatar Tim Ryerson - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Even MORE Somewhat Twisted Thoughts of the Day which was written by poet Tim Ryerson. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Even MORE Somewhat Twisted Thoughts of the Day

ON THE ROCKS
 
Talk about bad luck, I hit rock bottom and broke a leg
One advantage to hitting rock bottom is at least I know which way is up now
I hit Rock’s bottom and he promptly kicked my bottom from one end to the other
It usually bottoms out when I hit rock bottom

WAXING PHILOSOPHIC (YEAH YOU MOPPED, BUT DID YOU WAX?... I THOUGHT NOT!)

A tree fell in the forest and a hearing impaired gentleman was nearby so it did NOT make a sound
You think, therefore you are and just who do think you are, anyway? 
What does not kill me only makes me weak in the stomach when I am presented with the hospital bill
People who live in bakeries should not throw scones

DONCHA’ JUST LOVE IT?

Love is blind and keeps bumping into things
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!  Um…
I loved her to death but got off on a technicality
Star-crossed lovers occasionally get crossed up and can get rather cross about it too

I SAW ONE THE OTHER DAY I SWEAR TO GOD I DID
 
I made a Snowman that frankly speaking, looked Abominable
The Abominable Snowman retired to Florida and melted on the spot
Bigfoot treated The Abominable Snowman and family to dinner and footed the entire bill (however, things got pretty hairy when his credit card was refused)
Bigfoot often puts his foot in his mouth and he’s got a big mouth too

YOU’RE A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS AND STOP ACTING LIKE A HORSE’S ASS, SMART-ASS AND MY ASS CAN WHIP YOUR ASS ANY DAY OF THE WEEK TOO

A mule got a species change operation and made a real ass of himself
So WHAT if I’ve got it all backwards?  (You whole-ass- b_tch-of- a-son!)
Secretariat lost his ass in a High-Stakes poker game
A horse was unjustly discriminated against because it was a horse of a different color

 

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  1. Date: 4/15/2013 3:03:00 AM
    You could really be a stand-up comedian, Tim! It ranks high up there in terms of cleverness and wit (though I'm not completely familiar with the joke in the last line). After reading your first "Twisted thoughts of the day" poem I was inspired to try my hand at it. It's called Attempting One-liners and it's inspired by you...

  1. Date: 4/9/2013 7:52:00 PM
    Your humor is poetry in motion... Fun job here... Your on a roll... Keep on a rollin'...

  1. Date: 4/8/2013 5:49:00 PM
    I don't know why Harry is calling this stuff poetry. But what it is , is REALLY good humor, Tim. WRITE ON!!! (oh I see you named it as light poetry. yes, it's true, there is nothing else you can call it because they don't have all the necessary options we can use to name our forms!) this has a name but it's not coming to me right now.

  1. Date: 4/8/2013 4:42:00 PM
    amazing poetry Tim, and ever so cleverly written,, sound and reads like fun too...like this

  1. Date: 4/8/2013 4:09:00 PM
    Me too...you started the party without us....

  1. Date: 4/8/2013 8:49:00 AM
    Tim, I'll have what you are having thank you....I like...David