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Life and Death Re-write

Tim Ryerson Avatar Tim Ryerson - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Life and Death Re-write which was written by poet Tim Ryerson. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Life and Death Re-write

Tetractys version:

Her 
eyes blinked
then fluttered
She was awake
We rushed over weeping tears of relief

Another family passed in the hall
Huddled as one
We noticed
they wept
too

Tanka version: 

inaudible words
eyes blinking and fluttering
she was waking up
we rushed over to her side
weeping warm, sweet tears of joy

arm in arm, heads bowed
another family passed
who wept as we did
yet they wept different tears
their tears were not tears of joy

Deb's contest

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  1. Date: 5/1/2013 6:03:00 PM

    Tim,, Congratulations :-) In Debbie's "Metamorph" contest. always~ PD

  1. Date: 4/28/2013 9:55:00 AM

    Congrats on your win Tim~A.O

  1. Date: 4/25/2013 3:52:00 PM

    Glad to see you stretching so poetrically cher. Congrad's on your win. Light & Love

  1. Date: 4/25/2013 10:18:00 AM

    Many congratulations Tim , xx

  1. Date: 4/8/2013 5:51:00 PM

    You did great with these, Tim. I definitely think you improved it by going to tanka form. The other is good but I don't like that form of poetry very well. It's too limiting. Don't you think so?

  1. Date: 4/5/2013 11:43:00 PM

    It definitely describes more thsn passing awsy ir surviving..It describes life as it is..to me.yep whilst someone is so happy..the other could be so sad. .both transmitting tears..Awesome.

  1. Date: 4/5/2013 9:35:00 PM

    Nice Richard..we have all been through both the sad and joyful tears and can relate to this very well..good luck...Donna

  1. Date: 4/5/2013 9:03:00 PM

    Hello Tim, a deep image and picture you have painted. However, warm tears of joys must be a weird and good feeling. a sad ending... when heads are bowed. different tears, is all one can share... good luck in the contest...Linda