My life is filled with these days of long, to know the nights of cold. Sometimes I hear your voice as a distant echo in my mind. Your face, smile and loving eyes etched against my very soul.
I burden this life's glowing peace as days turn into months, and months to years.
I see the outcome of our past actions as catastrophic now. To never be able to fully recover is a daily thought back deep in every waking moment.
My mind plays tricks on me many days alone. It tells me of the foolish ways in which I let you, and myself down. It tells of the what if's and the if only's. I try to push them away, maybe as I did you. I don't know anymore.
The worst part is, I am starting to forget all the painful days. The times left alone, to deal with the devastation your ways brought upon me. The way my mind tries to forget all the pain I caused you, as well.
The vengeful acting out of roles played by two lovers, with an inability to hear, and see their own err of ways.
I often ask myself if everyone feels like I do. Is it just me. Am I alone. Will I grow.
I long to be happy, to feel the peace I hear others claim to know.
Is it actually out there, or is it all a lie. I don't know. I am starting to doubt it all.
I dread the thought of not having the dream of it. Without such, I fear a path not wanting will one day be tread upon. One that will never bring me my hearts true desires.
Love for myself, and love for others.
Perhaps it is true what you said.
Perhaps I will grow old and lonely. I tell myself these words you voiced in anger were just words of pain. Not prophecies.
I write and share to attempt to overcome these shortcomings that keep me chained down.
I write and share knowing one day my beliefs will manifest in my life.
I write and share to fill these long days, and cold nights.