This is it, the final step before crossing the line and I’m not sure I want to stop. What happens when I cross the line, the end? The end of all he and I share but what do we share besides pain and arguments; we share absolutely nothing. Maybe we have a few moments in time that we both believe that we wouldn't go back and change anything and then reality hits, I love him but I can see it, it being all the arguments that are to come. He will grow to hate me for asking him to quit school and even though I never actually asked, we both know that’s what I wanted.
Honestly, I am not sure of what is better anymore, if we should just move on and act as if we never happened, waste our time we spent together and start a new; or simply push our regret and anger into the back of our minds until we blow up repeatedly acting as if it were just spit of insanity. I am nothing more than his wife, not bound by anything more than a small piece of paper and some empty words. I wouldn't blame him for hating me; I could hardly even be upset. Life has tossed up a curve ball and we drop it every time. Neither of us exactly sure of what the other wants, I understand in instances that the first year of marriage is supposedly the hardest, you push and pull and see how much you can get away with; but we just push and push each other away and get nothing out of it. Maybe it was never love after all maybe we both will just wake up and it will all just be a dream, and maybe I am just another house wife realizing my marriage isn't as good as I thought it would be.