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How The Big Mac Got The Gherkin

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Below is the poem entitled How The Big Mac Got The Gherkin which was written by poet Red OMara. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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How The Big Mac Got The Gherkin

Once upon an ancient time 
in long gone languid days, 
when distant misted myths bechanced 
in lovely rhym'ed ways, 
when time was so much freer, 
less allotted to the minute. 
‘Twas then the mighty Big Mac 
got the gherkin in it. 


The night was one made fit for gods 
and stars made white the sky 
and drunk, dylsexic old McDonald 
sang Oh Eee, Oh Eee, I. 
His greatest yet creation 
lay on his barbie plate, 
it was the mighty Big Mac, 
with no inkling of its fate. 


McDonald thought the pattie lacked 
ce qu'il ne savait pas. 
He decided what he'd give it 
was this green thing from a jar 
The Big Mac cried out, ‘Hang about! 
I like the way I am! 
And I think that what I need the least, 
is a prostate gland exam.' 


McDonald growled, ‘Don't be a sook! 
It's not gonna hurt a bit. 
Just close your eyes and grit your teeth, 
and keep loose where you sit.' 
Big Mac firmly grasped his bun 
and held it really tight, 
he had Phallicvegiephobia 
and would resist with all his might. 


But McDonald was too smart by far, 
Big Mac was not his match, 
the old bloke snuck up from behind 
to by surprise him catch. 
Beneath an unsuspecting arm 
he applied a little tickle. 
The burger gave a little laugh 
and got a little pickle... 


So the Big Mac we all know today 
was born of subterfuge. 
And although the gherkin in it 
aint really all that huge, 
remember that it's only there 
by the skullest of skullduggery, 
and that bit we discard's the fruit 
of the foulest burger buggery. 

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  1. Date: 7/9/2013 7:49:00 AM

    Your second poem i've read which was your first poem which has elevated you to my favorite list. You are talented.

  1. Date: 4/11/2013 6:35:00 AM

    by the way, it's nearly time for my morning bath, and STILL I am not caught up here even after an hour or more.

  1. Date: 4/11/2013 6:34:00 AM

    hahaha, I am so glad I finally remembered to come back and read this one, i have to fave this one. I think it is your funniest one ever. And I am going to find MY funniest one now to show you how to see it!

  1. Date: 4/10/2013 8:57:00 AM

    soupmail.

  1. Date: 4/7/2013 9:54:00 PM

    This is truly a masterpiece. Your words flows effortlessly. Enjoyed so much!

  1. Date: 4/6/2013 7:41:00 PM

    Facinating read!

  1. Date: 4/3/2013 7:27:00 PM

    hahaha. You're a master storyteller, Red. Just what the doctor ordered!! Phallicvegiephobia? lol. I love it. Innovative use of "dylsexic". Geez, I bow to your poetic prowess. This one is being whisked off to my fave list because here's a couple of lines I intend stealing. Licia :)

  1. Date: 3/30/2013 11:01:00 AM

    Red, congrats on your win with this humorous write! Love, Kim

  1. Date: 3/28/2013 4:06:00 AM

    Congratulations on your win Red xx

  1. Date: 3/27/2013 5:32:00 PM

    Red, The New Poets of 2013, Congratulations in this contest. Hope to read more of your poems soon. Take Care*SKAT

  1. Date: 3/25/2013 11:39:00 AM

    This is a great write and I'm so much delighted to read it tonight my dear Red! thanks for sharing your great talents! Big congrats on your super win! love/hugs, Leonora

  1. Date: 3/25/2013 8:35:00 AM

    Loved it Red..congrats...Donna

  1. Date: 3/25/2013 6:08:00 AM

    :) Love this my chuckle this am.

  1. Date: 3/25/2013 5:31:00 AM

    Great write and congatulations Red

  1. Date: 3/24/2013 8:22:00 PM

    Red, CONGRATULATIONS with the first poem you posted on the soup :-) it was an honor in hosting this contest for the New Poets of 2013. Thank you for the support. Please enjoy your winning poem. By the way, I posted a blog in honor of the poets who made the list of this contest. The blogs name ----> ""I got the answer :-) What is a poet?"" please check out the blog when you have time. It's a nice gesture from me to you ~ xox ~ LINDA

  1. Date: 3/9/2013 12:42:00 PM

    Always wondered about that, cute ;}

  1. Date: 3/7/2013 8:50:00 AM

    Good morning ;-) mmmmm, Did you say big mac. Red, love the clever way you proposed the Big Mac way... a little tickle goes a long way... thanks for the reason why i discarded the fruit.. he he he..LINDA

  1. Date: 2/28/2013 4:15:00 AM

    I read this out loud to my sister in the kitchen.....so unbelievably funny, clever, imaginative and naughty. Pure Red O'Mara at his finest :-) A poet to look up to <3

  1. Date: 2/27/2013 1:31:00 PM

    Funny & clever... Terry