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Gasping for Care

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Below is the poem entitled Gasping for Care which was written by poet Grace Cyrus. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Gasping for Care

I woke up this morning
A stormy pattern of thoughts
My pillow wet from tears
Feelings of isolation
Lack of love
Family desertion
I woke up this morning
Alone with my thoughts
Leaning over as I walked
Hunchback across the room
From my heavy heart

I reached out and asked
Why do you ignore me
Am I unworthy of your love
You enjoy the power play of separation
Do you not see my torment
From the isolation 
My penance for speaking truth
A truth you wish to ignore
Let’s put our collective heads in the sand
The grains of pain will blow away if we do

And when I fell down
Slipping on my tears 
My fear of rejection came true
With the simple question
What happened to you
With words of truth
You think I’m self indulgent and irrelevant
So I bury everything inside
Waiting for it to reappear
Another time when I’m stronger
Maybe I can handle your rejection

When I screamed to you
I need you
The deafness was shrill
Your collective heads in the sand again
It’s easier to ignore an ugly memory
Than to look fear in the face
You needed me in ancient times 
When no one else could help
And yet when I reached out 
You ignored me

All those years of pain
Come around again
I’m the easy target to place the blame
The old man is gone now
My ultimate fear of facing him down
In his time of dire need
From this distance I cared
While you chose to ignore him
And he died a slow death
And when he passed
You cut me out
And watched me bleed
Isolation is my penance
For loving the best I could

Years from now
If the circumstances are right
You might look back on this
And wonder what happened to the girl
Full of promise 
Full of love
Full of expectations
The rubbish only remains
There’s no one else to blame
But myself for my weakness
For allowing your permeation of vengeance 
Isolation is the name of the game

I don’t dare reach out
They will engrave upon me
Their version of their memory 
While watching me
Falling into the crevice of deep sadness
Bleeding to death
The pain in my heart
And they don’t care
And I’m not allowed to share
So I’m left alone with my thoughts
Waking up to tears on my pillow
Drowning a slow death
Gasping for care

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  1. Date: 2/15/2013 11:58:00 AM

    Very powerful, and so very sad. I hope it's not always like this for you. Thank you for sharing. Jack

  1. Date: 2/15/2013 11:19:00 AM

    You have manage to write here in black and white the heartbreak many of us have gone through too... time helps and knowing you are not alone. Blessings

  1. Date: 2/15/2013 10:29:00 AM

    so sad, and it is true that usually those closest to us will Not understand our pain, for whatever reasons they may have, and it is usually not that they dont believe you, but more... they feel the pressure of guilt baring down on them. for real support and help, find yourself a psychologist to talk with, a lady who understands and help restore your heart and soul. Love and hugs, Catie :)