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haiku 1

Cyndi MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled haiku 1 which was written by poet Cyndi MacMillan. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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haiku 1

as soft as her breath

large snowflakes upon

pink bunting

*my first attempt at a haiku without verbs

**Yes, it is subjective and does contain metaphor :)

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  1. Date: 2/7/2013 7:51:00 PM
    Right on, a verb-free haiku. I have thought quite a bit about verbs(maybe too much?)when concerning haiku. I read the exchange in Chas' comment below, and found it to be interesting as well.

  1. Date: 2/7/2013 3:14:00 PM
    Cyn, Thank you for asking my opinion. I think the word "snore" interrupts the mood you are trying to convey. To me a better word (my wife and I both voiced it the same instant) would be "breath". You know how soft the snore is, but the person reading it cold will only see something louder than your intention. A snore can never be as soft as snowflakes. Otherwise is a fabulous haiku.

    MacMillan Avatar Cyndi MacMillan
    Date: 2/7/2013 3:17:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    YES! It does work much better. I hesitated on the word snore, as well. But --- lol--- her snore IS so tiny and sweet, to ME. Sigh was wrong. Breath is perfect. Thanks for your help! Hugs!
  1. Date: 2/7/2013 2:44:00 PM
    Very cute Cyndi, xxx