I claim no responsibility for my acts,
your honor lets look at the facts.
it was a crime of UN-passion,
in a glorious poetic fashion.
He was annoying when he'd snore,
so loud at night it made my ears sore.
and oh yeah when he ate,
His clicking jaw would grate.
chewing with his mouth open wide,
losing my appetite seeing his chewed food inside.
when he was done, belching so loud,
rating it a ten cause he was so damned proud
I'd stare, waiting for his "excuse me" in a polite way,
He'd quote better out than in, I always say.
Gee let's not forget the loads and loads of nasty gas,
the quiet and deadly ones where the stench would last and last.
thinking it funny to pull the covers over my head,
that alone would be attempted murder trying to stink me dead
Scratching and digging examining his balls,
me just shivering thinking, it just might be a bug that crawls
But no, for some reason he thought it was an acceptable way,
to play pocket-pool in spite of what I might think or say.
so yes I plead temporary insanity, I know that excuse is over used,
but I was feeling a little more then put upon and abused.
I am not done your honor I could go on and on,
I could write a book regarding this nasty spawn.
The sex gee if you could call it that,
lasting all of two seconds him contented, I got my ass pat.
and of course scratching and digging his balls,
he got more enjoyment from that, it drove me up walls.
throwing his dirty socks at my face,
complaining that I never clean up this place.
missing the toilet never put up the toilet seat,
sitting on the wet made my life so complete.
and yeah gee I forgot to mention,
the television got more then it's share of attention.
He had to have the remote at all times,
According to him chick flicks weren't worth two dimes.
Night after night he'd watch his sports,
cursing and savoring his disdaining snorts.
oh and a cold beer sat in his other hand,
so smugly superior thinking I'm to jump at his command.
calling, woman! where's my supper, I want it now,
then eating complaining as he scarfed like a sow.
"The food wasn't hot enough, we're having that again?"
I would close my eyes and count to ten.
so I slipped some arsenic in his food one night,
the beer he drank killed the licorice bite.
no your honor, I take no responsibility for me actions,
he had to pay for his major infractions.
this was a mercy killing I have to say,
it was for my sanity that I had to send him away.
divorce wouldn't do, I thought of some poor other sod,
getting stuck with this Neanderthal bi-pod.
so I throw myself on the mercy of the court,
and ask for your pardon and a little support.
Thank you your honor for understand me,
I sincerely appreciate your verdict of not guilty.