I hereby renounce my "humanity". Humanity is a cruel joke, a pestilential plague that devours that beast known as "man". A pipe dream upon which the broken ego rides, eternally complacent in its intoxicated state of false euphoria, unable to smell the parasomia of their own sick and the rotting of the broken dreams in which they lie every night. That vile putrescence... why would one ever desire to be associated with such a disgraceful sight as is the likes of man?
They tried to kill me, but only succeeded in killing my humanity; their sick affection lurking in the shadows as the blood of my humanity stained the bladed manifestation of mankind's perversion. With my final dying breath, the curse issues from my lips and is carried upon the wind that is choked by the stifling weight their cruelty. S????t??, I come to thee in the Underworld, have ???d?? prepare for me a bed to lay my tired soul. Finally that restful sleep I shall have, free from the burden of loving and caring.
What must I do? Do I stand and fight for my heart's desire with the risk of bringing pain upon others, or do I slit the neck of Hope and spill her blood upon the altar of sadness that others may have a slight chance of happiness? I fear any words or actions I could take would never be viewed as anything other than disingenuous and selfish no matter which path I take. I am now seeking help from ?????s?? after having been abandoned by all other gods and rather than numbing me with intoxication, he has poisoned me with an augmentation to pain and misery.
?????s??! What have I done that you would spurn any attempts I make to just numb what pain I feel now that I may make it through the night!? I am shaking and nauseous from the stress and the weight and I have nothing to simply steady my hand enough to defend myself against Life's latest assault! I cannot take your medicine anymore; you have poisoned me for the last time just over one week prior! For what reason does She arrow into me!? I have done Her no wrong!
Why now must all the gods be against me? ?f??d?t? and her sisters, ?????e?, have decided to join forces against me— ?f??d?t? giving me the curse of love for ?????e? to rip it away. Why can they not leave my heart alone? I wonder that they are jealous of the friendship I share with one. That must be it; they cursed me with this poison of love to ruin that friendship! Why can I not be granted control of my own heart!? My curse... to walk through life causing momentary happiness for others at the price of extreme pain for them at the peak of said happiness and a continual despair and misery for myself. Yet I will not bow to Schopenhauer's emotional death of asceticism! Let the thorns of life rip my flesh asunder!