Secretly – unbeknownst to me – you were holding out a light
of hope for me to see, to reach for, to bask in, some day.
If I had only the foresight, the insight, the wisdom to
have seen, to believe could become a reality some day.
You were / are the Angel that held the light of my essence
in the palm of Your, hand, so gentle yet strong.
I am so SORRY that I sentenced to death, to the grave,
that flame of hope – that in my stupidity had extinguished.
The Mist in Decay
Into the quagmire of, into the swampy dregs of
aloneness have I relegated my soul, my spirit –
to become trapped inside a forest of putrefying
driftwood images – lost forever the potential
for love from, or to love and have that love be desired.
Love is now left to rot, in the black arms of Hell’s
icy embrace ( forever and a day ) because of my lack
of wisdom, my lack of faith – in myself, my desirability –
in your motives, your reasons for keeping me at bay,
for continually pushing me away.
I am so SORRY Moneca, for my lack of wisdom,
for my lack of faith in any kind of future,
in were you stated you wanted to go with me,
in my blindness, my stupidity, my ineptness,
my perceived / projected insecurities.
I am SORRY that in my stupidity, I believed
that what you constantly conveyed to me
throughout our time together
- expressed verbally and in your physical reactions
to my attempts at expressing affection for you –
would not be seen through the veil of blind love .
I am SORRY that I believed in what you said to me,
what I thought was a truth, was a reality, was my fate.
I am SORRY !, I am sorry that I could not see,
would not see, did not see.
B. J. “A” 2
October 6th 2007