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BUZZ OFF, Rube and the Fly
"Doc, I was in my chair ‘tendin’ ta’ read the news.
This fly enters my house, 'n still I’m a bit confused.
He circles the room, I opened the comic section.
He shoulda known, he was here ‘thout purteckshun.
Comics gave me a chuckle; I turned back ta’ page one,
Politicians make promises, 'n' never get nuthin’ done.
I read the page; this fly checks out the room
Roarin’ past my ear, soundin’ like BUZZOoomm
Man, I hate nothin’ mor’n a fly.
I was really ‘gonna’ fix ‘em; he' made his last fly by.
I rolled my paper, ‘til it looked like a short bat,
'N' searched for him, ta’ see where he was at.
He was on'a lamp shade, runnin’ ‘roun’ the rim.
I stepped on poor Snookums, 'n' took a swat at him.
I went ta’ my knees, the shade's at an awkward stance.
Didn’ think, I was gonna’ get me 'nother chance.
He flew ta’ a window; I would get 'em for sure.
I caught up ta’ him, ‘n’ he flew on ta’ our screen door.
Fly, I says, it’s gonna’ be me or you.
I made a ball player swing, ‘n’ sliced that screen in two.
A fly sure is dumb, he coulda’ hit the street.
‘Stead of flyin’ on out, he passed 'tween my feet.
Off ta’ the kitchen, with me in hot pursuit.
Ta’ a chocolate cake, ‘n’ ta’ a bowl of fruit.
My aim was improvin', frostin’ showed where I hit.
He couldn’ last much longer... didn' give him time to sit.
He went ta’ the bedroom; the nerve of that cur.
Lookin’ for an all out war, he picked the right guy for sure.
My paper got tattered, not much left ta’ it.
I grabbed up a slipper, "n' it was a perfect fit.
Swung at him on a curtain, ripped it off with the shade;
Then followed him, crossin’ our bed carefully made.
With a soarin’ leap; after I saw where he did land.
Couldn’ stop my swing, 'n' cleared off a night stand.
I ‘rose ta’ my knees, heard buzzin' on‘a dresser.
He was gettin' tired, I had ta’ keep up the pressure.
Whether Babe or Chanel; ta’ me they smell the same.
Top came off that bottle, I thought the fly went lame.
He surprised me; ‘n’ her jewelry box hit the floor;
I was ‘gonna’ swing agin’, but he flew out the door.
He took ‘nother turn; inta’ our bathroom painted pink.
Smacked at him on’a mirror, 'n' it dropped inta’ the sink.
I climbed on’a bath tub; on‘a ceilin’ I saw him land,
I slipped ‘n’ fell; with a shower curtain still in ma' hand.
I had enough; my patience was wearin’ thin.
I was gonna' get him, 'n' that’s when my wife walked in.
"What’s happened to my house”; I spotted him on ‘er head.
I can’t ‘member... how’d I get inta’ this hospital bed?"
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