It’s the same every year. They stick me in this damp box
With absolutely no thought for my feelings!
The reindeer’s bum has been stuck in my face and they
Didn’t bother to clean him…and he stinks!
We must be getting close to that time of year
I can smell the pines!…At last!…daylight.
It’s been like this for forty years now,
Except for the last ten since she broke my wand off
And never bothered to replace it!
How on earth does she expects me to cast a magic spell?
Here we go, shoved on top of the tree…‘OW… not so hard’
Oh it looks lovely, glitzy, colourful, couple of last years crackers
But never mind. Hey that chocolate soldier looks quite handsome.
Er, HELLO, HELLO, could you move this light out of my eyes please
NO DON’T SWITCH ON YET!!!….damn too late, I wish I had a wand!
Now I’m going to have burn marks on my dress…
Oh well I may as well make the most of it, at least
I get the best view of them opening their gifts…WooHoo!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!