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Twas the Night Before Christmas

Andrea Dietrich Avatar Andrea Dietrich - LIFETIME Premium Member Andrea Dietrich - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Twas the Night Before Christmas which was written by poet Andrea Dietrich. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Twas the Night Before Christmas

(warning: adult humor) Twas the night before Christmas when I and my groom finally found a motel but with just one room. My groom was in the bathroom - leaving me alone- so that he could douse himself with some cheap cologne. I - in my red negligee - thought of bump and grind, visions of his sugar plums dancing in my mind. Then a noise I heard outside gave me such a fright! who was out there in the snow on our special night? Opening our small room’s door, I felt like a goof. It was just an icicle falling off the roof. Then I felt a sudden breeze. One unlucky bride! As the door behind me shut, I was locked outside. When upon my motel door I began to pound, it was clear that my dear groom did not hear a sound. Right before my startled eyes, what should then appear? Someone dressed as Santa Claus, filling me with fear! His eyes, though not so cheery, lit up, seeing me as he crossed the street and came stumbling drunkenly. I stood helpless, trembling in scanty siren red when an icicle fell down clunking my poor head. I revived in the ER, thong still on my rump! Underneath my bandage was an enormous lump. Thankfully my groom was there, smelling of Old Spice. But we’d have no chance to give gifts naughty and nice. At our room I later saw Santa Claus was there - that same guy who’d seen me in sexy underwear. Having seen my accident he’d informed my groom right before he then collapsed stone drunk in our room. Santa on our honeymoon with cheeks rosy red, (but not one “Merry Christmas”), stole our wedding bed.

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  1. Date: 12/23/2013 2:41:00 PM
    Not too spicy after all the warning, just sugar plums and g-strings, maybe a PG-13. Fun story!

  1. Date: 7/24/2013 4:18:00 PM
    Yes, this is funny Petal, it's like a situation comedy, don't know if the adult warning was needed though lol as the story was actually sexless lol. Take care, Richard

    Seal Avatar Richard D Seal
    Date: 7/24/2013 4:20:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    Interesting images lol
  1. Date: 1/8/2013 4:44:00 PM
    Andrea, , congratulations in Kim's "Here We Go A Caroling " contest.. a fun poem with flow... always~ PD

  1. Date: 1/8/2013 2:45:00 PM
    Lovely and beautiful piece,Andrea...I love this write...Congrats on your well deserved win...Kudos to you,my dear friend...

  1. Date: 1/8/2013 10:42:00 AM
    Love this Andrea, congrats on your special win xxx

  1. Date: 1/8/2013 10:30:00 AM
    [cough] ;) Conrad's on your win. Light & Love

  1. Date: 1/8/2013 9:16:00 AM
    very funny ...congrats on your win Andrea

  1. Date: 1/8/2013 9:10:00 AM
    I definitely remember this one!!! Congrats on your win! I think I loved the humour even more the second time around :)

  1. Date: 1/8/2013 8:58:00 AM
    Andrea, this is hilarious! I got such a kick out of reading it. Congrats on your win! Love, Kim

  1. Date: 12/23/2012 12:59:00 PM
    Dear Andrea, Hope this finds YOU and YOURS Healthy and High in the Spirit. Congratulations I do hope You enter this Masterpiece Theater Epic in Kim's Contest Thank-YOU for YOUR many Gracious comments. I asked Dane Ann to help me start a new form of POETRY "End Line Word" I do not remember If YOU entered one. You may want to Soup Mail Dane Ann, as her last post was 4 months Ago. I remember Her as being Quite Christmasy Wishing YOU and YOURS A very Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year- Harry

  1. Date: 12/17/2012 5:31:00 PM
    I love this Andrea ;} awesome,,, you have a very Merry Christmas Season ;}

  1. Date: 12/13/2012 7:34:00 PM
    Had fun reading this comical xmas story about the bride and groom. Cute one. love phyl

  1. Date: 12/12/2012 4:45:00 PM
    I Can't stop laughing! And I can't stop thinking...what a dumb ass Santa...Missed a glorious oppurtunity to throw you into his Toybag.

  1. Date: 12/11/2012 10:39:00 AM
    Love this! Brillant I say! Made me smile and my heart laugh! Cynthia

  1. Date: 12/10/2012 1:44:00 PM
    Kind of hard to contain my enjoyment in the library. :) For a long one, it just ripped off the page. Good Luck, you certainly deserve top billing.

  1. Date: 12/10/2012 10:28:00 AM
    This is AWESOME! I killed myself laughing throughout the entire read, though my favourite was the third stanza ("sugar plums" - ha!). You really can write anything! Fantastic job :)

  1. Date: 12/9/2012 8:17:00 PM
    WOW Andrea! You sure have a good one. That was some adventure. Good luck in the contest. Lucilla

  1. Date: 12/9/2012 8:48:00 AM
    Andrea, what a wonderful fun poem, I so enjoyed reading it today and best of luck in the contest. Constance

  1. Date: 12/9/2012 7:39:00 AM
    I forgot to say, Congrats on all your wins, my friend : ) Had a chuckle reading this again, lol

  1. Date: 12/9/2012 6:49:00 AM
    lol, had a good laugh here, my friend. Yes, all's well here - I hadn't heard from you and thought you were busy or that Joe was having a tough time with that awful firm. Hope all's well there x

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