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haiku lesson

Debbie Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi - LIFETIME Premium Member Debbie Guzzi - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled haiku lesson which was written by poet Debbie Guzzi. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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haiku lesson

*not a tradition haiku because it is subjective it is my judgement you are told to see the vine strangling the maple something a person would do, further you are told my my imagining that the vine is seeking revenge - so this is more Free Verse than haiku

a bittersweet vine
strangles the dormant maple
ribbon of revenge

* haiku - objective, factual with a season, with 2 parts and implied metaphor

a bittersweet vine
twines about the maple tree --
swollen knuckles ache

I am here, I see the vine, I show you the vine, I see my hand at the same time, now you SEE the relationship, you FEEL, I don't tell you what to feel. The change occurs in where my eyes have fallen first up & out and then down to my hands

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  1. Date: 2/19/2014 5:51:00 AM
    A haiku with some really beautiful imagery.

  1. Date: 11/15/2012 9:23:00 PM
    Both are nice only angles are different. You are genius always. Thanks for wishing me congrats. Loved always, bl

  1. Date: 11/14/2012 1:18:00 AM
    I think I'm starting to get it. first one, subjective(it's telling), second one, implied metaphor(fill in the blanks yourself). Okay, next lesson.

  1. Date: 11/13/2012 11:05:00 PM
    cool

  1. Date: 11/13/2012 9:03:00 PM
    I like both of the first two lines. The last lines confuse me. Are the knuckles aching because they have attempted to untwine the vines? I KNOW you have a sense of humour. Read my When Basho met Jack. It should inspire a chuckle. Or at least another Gib's momment. Me....DEE-noto. HA! xox

    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 11/14/2012 6:48:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    LOL I do not have to tell you why the knuckles are aching..hopefully you see the similarity between the swelling cause by the vine on the tree giving it an appearance similiar to my swollen knuckles BUT I don't do everything right LOL maybe we need to work on it!
  1. Date: 11/13/2012 7:55:00 PM
    I think I like the second one, Debs. What does that say about me?

  1. Date: 11/13/2012 5:58:00 PM
    I still think for haiku to be truly traditional, it must be written in one line, and written in Japanese. I am so grateful that many of the haiku masters of yore, agreed to employ metaphor(full metaphor, not only implied), personification and subjectivity. How boring they might find our haiku now, eh? I think that I am going to post some 'non-haiku', including ones that break the conventional rule stating how the 'moment' is supposed to be one that was fully experienced by the author.

    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 11/13/2012 6:39:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    You can put any 3 line haiku into one line, no problem. When you are a haiku Master you can do anything you like, I'm not a haiku master yet so I can only teach the little bit i do know, I'm not wrong, Chris is not wrong, the form is always in flux BUT you have to start somewhere ;)
  1. Date: 11/13/2012 5:28:00 PM
    I still like the first one Deb, a beautiful metaphor in that last line!

    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 11/13/2012 5:33:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry


    I'm happy you like it I wrote it years ago, among my first tries at haiku, traditional haiku does not use poetic vehicles such as metaphor/ modern haiku uses IMPLIED metaphor which means you get the metaphorical relationship by SEEING the two images side by side [in your mind not in my words]
  1. Date: 11/13/2012 4:18:00 PM
    I enjoyed this Debbie, I am just an amateur when it comes to Haiku, as you already know! But I try sometimes! I really liked the second verse you have here, the Haiku! This is a tremendous learning piece, thank you, Great Work!!