The big day arrived and we couldn’t wait
We were old fashioned and there was no horse after the gate
The wedding went off with nary a hitch
A few gate crashers but we didn’t b i t c h . *
The honeymoon night, boy what a thrill
The emotions it caused are with us both still
While showering in a hotel bathroom suite
My new husband dare ask if he could now peek.
Into the shower he joined me all of a quiver
The sparks were shooting hither and thither
I was covered in shampoo from washing my hair
I tried to squeeze past him the water to share.
No thought was there yet of making love in the shower
We were getting to know more of each other hour by hour
My new husband’s passion was obviously aroused
As I stuck me head under the shower to be doused.
It was then that I did slip and fall backwards with a yell
Taking the shower the curtains and my husbands passion as well
All I remember as my head hit the loo
Was an agonised yell from my husband brand new.
As my legs lifted high not for love it would seem
But I kicked him in the place where he kept his lovers dreams.
I woke up on the floor my head splitting in two
My husband at the side of me groaning by the loo
Water was pouring from the shower wall
Neither could move nor dare make a call
He said he knew that in marriage there could be some hard knocks
But it was taking the cake to get kicked in the rocks.
The toilet was cracked just like my head
The bathroom was flooded we had to stay in bed
Our honeymoon night our first night together
Is one we will remember for ever and ever.
* Censor won't let me use it so I split it